House of A Writer

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Ready, set, go! 

I have so much to do and I’m already overwhelmed thinking about it. I have never ending overflowing laundry baskets and I’m totally my laundry room’s bitch for the past two weeks. I’ve got a wicker basket full of stuff I need to do, and the paperwork monster is threatening to grab me in a choke hold till I cry uncle! I know I can take things one day at a time but it’s my brain that never shuts that doesn’t get that message. 

Last week I had a meeting with my respite worker she asked me if I was a list person. I replied yes I love making lists, a lot of my blog topics start out that way. She asked me to write things out instead of using my notes app. So I did and it’s amazing how something so simple, can be so affective. Today I made another list and each day I cross off my accomplishments. It feels good to see that I’m taking care of things, but my overwhelm is with all the things I still need to do. It’s easy for me  to dispense out advice to friends and say look after your priorities and the housework will be there tomorrow. Like death and taxes laundry will always be something you can count on happening. 

I feel like I’m at the start of the race and I’m waiting for someone to be standing there with a pistol saying ready, set, go and I’m off like I’m lit on fire when I hear that shot go off! On one side of me is my calendar jammed with appointments, and on the other is my phone loaded up with texts, emails, and blog topics I need to return and write. At times we’re neck in neck and I literally feel the sweat pouring down my brow. Then I’m wiping it, dying of thirst, and I fall behind and struggle to keep up. 

There are many phone calls to be made, test results to track down, letters to be written, paperwork to be signed, and faxed. I’ve literally been held paralyzed with anxiety that I have to complete all the things and do it record time. The finish line appears to be so far away and my eyes are getting blurry as exhaustion starts to overtake me. Must be the fact I’m dehydrated and in need of something to quench my thirst. And that pesky cataract starts to bother me when I’m tired. So I start veering off the track and daydreaming while I can scarcely see my opponents in the distance. My vision doubles and I start to yearn for my couch. 

There I can have my fuzzy blanket and security while watching Lawrence of Arabia and enjoy eating a bowl of ice cream. This parenting gig can be hard at times. Add in a list of objectives, goals, and lists and you’ve got another job. Sometimes I just want to say &@@@ it and leave for someone else to do. But if I do that then my children won’t get the services they desperately need. I can’t miss out on that, no matter how mentally, emotionally, and physically, exhausted I am. It’s not fair to them or to me if I fail, there’s a lot of resources and a lot of families in need as well. The autism journey can be a bumpy one at the best and worst of times. I’m learning new terminology everyday and as my brother says ATL’s (another three lettered acronym). 

He told me that last week and I laughed so hard, for about fifteen minutes as my life has become all about the letters. When will it all begin, when I’m assessed for funding, get a case worker assigned to me, or get a therapy team in place. There will be more people joining our small circle, lots of transitions, more appointments, and more trips into the city. I will be requesting a lot of home visits in the beginning. Getting my youngest son prepared for these upcoming changes and strangers in our reclusive world. This is never easy and I can use all the PECS (Picture Example Cards) available, but if he has anxiety about it all it’s just not going to happen. 

I honestly don’t know what to expect from branching out into this new world of programs, people, and personalities. I’m thinking as positively as I can and preparing and educating myself as well. So off I go into the sunset leaving worn out ideas, speculations, and false truths behind. From now on its facts, concrete results, and verified diagnosis’s that will matter. I owe it to my children to get them all the help I can. And I owe it to myself to know and believe this age old wisdom from Yoda. That little green guy’s wisdom has touched my life with its simple but gifted advice more times than I can count. Special thanks to http://lindaghill.com for the writing prompt. I couldn’t think of anything to use it for till now. It’s funny  how I just looked at this picture and words started flowing. Green man wisdom for the win!

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Friday Feats and Fails

Wow what a week it’s been, hard to believe it’s almost March! I for one am glad that spring is around the corner. February being the shortest amount of days on the calendar sure feels like the longest month of the year. My parents both passed away in this month. So there’s always that pull of my heart towards connecting with them again. I worked on something that I’m happy to share with you today. So let’s gets to the details and then the fun stuff after. 


FEAT

Hockey fills my weekends so I was able to attend both of my Captains games and they won! The first one was an 8-5 victory and the second was a come from behind win of 4-3. That game was so exciting, the score was tied 2-2 in the second period and then the opposing team scored in the beginning of the third. There was a breakaway and my son’s team mate scores  to tie it up. With some bad bounces it looked like the opposing team might just win, as our team was short handed with a player in the penalty box. With only 15 seconds left in the period our team scores to lead 4-3 with a win. Now it’s semi finals this weekend so I’ll be cheering and wearing my team jersey. Proud hockey Mom in the house!!!

FAIL

My husband went away on business so no one slept well in the household. Without enough sleep we’re like a bunch of toddlers being short tempered with one another. We had a particularly rough morning as my Captain slept in and refused to go to school. So I took him to a councillor to discuss his anger. I didn’t want to argue anymore so we went down to the office and was told they were booked. I said how is that possible you just opened? I didn’t receive a lot of help so I got very vocal and demanded I see someone that day. The worst thing is to turn away someone who’s struggling and tell them to come back the next day and still don’t offer any help. 

FEAT

I really didn’t want my kids to see me get upset but I compared my experience to a car who was running on empty without enough gas in their tank. They understood why I fought so hard for them. I’m always the squeaky wheel getting the grease, and my Dad always said I missed my calling to be a lawyer; on the account I like to argue. I did push to get seen and then an appointment opened up for later that afternoon. 

FAIL

Lack of sleep, is equal to lack of patience and zero desire to clean and organize my home. So the laundry piled up, as well as scrubbing and cleaning. My husband came home and the upstairs was clean minus bathrooms I need to sanitize. I pulled out the couch and discovered a multitude of sins hiding there. So I will be inspired to tackle the rest after hockey. 

FEAT

I’m so proud and happy that a story I wrote got published on the Original Bunker Punk site. As well as being chosen for the #1000 speak compassion movement!!! You can check out my story here. 

 http://originalbunkerpunks.wix.com/originalbunkerpunks#!A-Cup-of-Kindness-by-Jeanine-Lebsack/c1kod/15FA560B-DFDA-420F-AC08-901D7D8D502E

FAIL

I scheduled an appointment for both the Captain and I to talk with a therapist. I’m glad I took that step because we both have been locked in a power struggle and needed some intervention. Mad dog was enjoying playing with the toys and was quite upset to have to leave. He grabbed a box and ended up ripping it, and biting me. It really sucked as I had to pick him up screaming and leave the office. I handled it the best I could but it’s been a very long week and I cried as soon as I got home. While I was preparing dinner my kids went outside to look at the stars. It warmed my heart to know even with a rocky start to our day, we could end it on a positive note. 

FEAT 

I joined this blogging challenge group and I was able to stretch out of my comfort zones with my first assignment. It was a lot of fun and getting some positive feedback on it. You can check it out here. 

http://youtu.be/AA6Yf5SqlmM
I find the more new things I try the better I feel. I have people that ask me how I manage with little sleep, a lot of busy ness, and children who have some special needs. I just don’t think about it, I just do it. And little challenges that push me to see what I’m made of as a writer and entertainer feed my soul. 

FAIL

We had Dr’s appointments scheduled this week and there’s never a fun outing. The Captain had a physical to do and I had to talk him into going. I got chastised for bringing his little brother to the appointment. I told her I didn’t have people, my husband was away on business, and I didn’t have anywhere to take him. I only get respite once a week and it’s so I can have a break. She explained she just couldn’t do a consult with having my youngest there, I told her I understood but where was a supposed to put him on my roof? Professionals just don’t get it, even if they have children. I don’t have babysitters lined up to look after my children whenever I need them. Plus I need to find someone who’s qualified to deal with my Mad dog when he gets sensory overloaded. 

FEAT

I have managed to keep up with my blogging challenge group as well as my Writing 101-Poetry challenge. Emotionally I’ve been detached because I’ve needed to really focus mentally on not sinking into a self induced depression. Missing my parents and there influence in my life is something I have always struggled with. I just keep trying to build that new “normal” around my heart. I actually despise that word and I write some poetry and completed this blogging challenge assignment. You can check it out here. 

http://youtu.be/ZYAiSVZHZbA


And here we are at the end of the week going into the semi finals with hockey, Dr’s and therapists scheduled into the fabric of our lives. Now time to have some fun, prepare for adventures, and start jumping over those obstacles one at a time. Onward and upward my friends, until our next story needs to be written enjoy your weekend. Smooches. ?

This has been my submission to Ash’s Friday’s Feats and Fails of www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Check out her week and all the other talent that link up. 

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