House of A Writer

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Dec 15

Acting and other lies I tell myself

by Jeanine Lebsack

When I was a little girl I always wanted to be an actress. I remember late night movie watching with my Mom. We loved the classics of Audrey Hepburn, Lauren Bacall, and Marilyn Monroe. I felt happy and safe in that world of film. When I grew older and had opportunities to participate in school plays and Christmas concerts I jumped at the chance. 

 I memorized songs, dialogue, and full scripts for plays. Theatre had always been my first love and I joined a wonderful group and they quickly became my theatre family. I felt so loved and accepted there with my beloved Hope Pact. I sang with such confidence and determination. Then immersed myself into my character enjoying an Irish accent, and learning my lines, songs, while researching the history of my chosen role. 

Life has always been easier when I’m on my stage. I throw myself into the script and I don’t think of any outside influences. Now I still act but I’m in the background singing with a chorus or taking a secondary role. Where did the confidence go, why don’t I sing with grace and passion like I did before? 

Now I feel like I’m really acting avoiding the hurt I feel when someone has wronged me. I don’t lash out I don’t kick ass or take names like my personality would have me do before. I feel but I’m tending to hide the affects of those emotions more. I’ve always been a person who wore their heart on their sleeve. Which is still true but I act like I’m Teflon and things bounce right off of me. 

They don’t though, it’s just this one act play that has become my life of hiding those true thoughts and feelings. Does anyone care about all the tears I cry flooding my fragile ego until it sinks in an ocean of denial? This is my plight one I choose to accept and be proactive to change. Or continue on with acting and wearing those rose coloured glasses that impede my true vision.  The time to be real is now and stop acting like I’m wearing a titanium suit of armour. I will persevere I always do, find my voice again, sing with courage and conviction, and leave the actress on the stage where she belongs. 

life

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Nov 23

Monday Musings-hiding in plain sight

by Jeanine Lebsack

Life has a way of catching up on you without you realizing. Whether you’ve been eating unhealthy, sleep deprived, or skipping out on daily workouts. All the above has happened to me I’ve been dealing with death, disillusionment, and deadlines. It started out as a way to protect my heart, my family, and just not wanting to deal with the sadness of it all. 
I found it difficult to concentrate on anything so I just kept putting my head down and plowing through life. The late night spent reading, researching, and staring at the moon and asking for answers to life’s mysteries has taken their toll. I had to take a backseat as I felt like my emotions were in the drivers seat. I had to share more than I wanted as I walked away from my business, ignored emails, and my accountability fitness group. I protected myself and put my attention  into my family and my passion and dedication to my theatre group. 

This hasn’t been the first time I put my grief on hold. There’s many times when the pain I felt as an emotional reaction and the empathic aftermath of the grief of others has sent me into a tailspin. You wouldn’t know it to look at me. I got up and got my kids off to school, folding my ever flowing laundry baskets, and made my daily phone calls to family and friends to inform them of the sad news. I had to cut of communication with a family member who’s need for greed was too much for me to bear. Yet I continued to pray that their heart and mind would change. Death doesn’t always bring out the best in people. It’s a rude awakening to see it happening right before my eyes and being powerless to change it. 
Every night for eight shows you’d seen me bright and shining on stage with my cast of our pantomime play. I only told three people how I was really feeling and then dry my tears and put my makeup on and carry on. We had boisterous sold out crowds and small appreciative ones who’s interaction with the pantomime play was as entertaining as the acting itself. 
On our final show I was backstage at intermission and everyone was running around signing each other’s programs and making efforts to keep in touch and it struck me like a thunderbolt, that this was my lifeline. These people, the script, costumes, heart to to heart chats whispering back and forth were my way of divinely grieving. I was honouring my loved one by continuing to live! I had dove headfirst into something that gave me a chance to escape and in the process I was healing my heart. I didn’t realize it until I looked around the room and saw those smiling beautiful faces. It thrilled me to have this ephiphany and I wrote something quickly in my notes so I could cherish this moment for always. Today I share it with you and I hope my words bring you some inspiration about finding your passion in life. Thank you never seems like enough to say so to exude those feelings of gratitude is even more special to me. 
  

  
Write a post sharing your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Make it as personal as possible.

Use the hashtag #MondayMusings and link to this post.

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Use our #MondayMusings badge to help other bloggers join in too.

Today I link up with #Mondaymusings hosted by Richa Singh and Vidya Sury thank you for having me in your linkup today. 

life

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Nov 16

Ten Things of Thankful

by Jeanine Lebsack

  
I’m back for another week of thankfuls after missing my chance to post by falling asleep before the linkup expired! You know you’re sleepy when you fall asleep writing. Usually it’s the opposite the words pouring out of my brain to my digital paper keep me awake. Tonight won’t be any different as I replay my week and share my thankful moments positive or negative. Thank you to the TTOT gang to have a place to ruminate, reflect and replay my bucket full of thankfuls. 
This has been a rough week I’ve had a death in my family, four theatre performances, and a lot of appointments. I’ve been emotionally and physically exhausted and fell off my workout scheduled. All I’ve been able to do is exchange it for yoga and meditation. This is the second death to hurt my heart in six months and I feel the need to hide away for awhile and heal my wounds. But alas my life’s not designed in the way so I just take a break from things that I don’t have the energy for. I’m thankful that I’ve realized I can do that without any guilt to weigh me down. 

My son had a polysonogram sleep study last month and I’ve recently got the results that he has severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea. I knew this before the test was done as I’ve been walking this path with him for nearly two years! I’m so thankful that I found someone to help him finally! He was seen by the first ENT who said his tonsils were fine and he just had a long tongue and there wasn’t anything he could do for my son surgically. 

  Fast forward to 7 months later and I know his medication regimen has shrunk his swollen tonsils but he will require surgery. I’m so thankful for the new ENT that will be performing the surgery. His office administrator was amazing to me as she explained the procedures and what to expect before and after surgery. My son will also require further testing of an EKG to rule out seizures, and an MRI to measure his brain size for his developmental challenges. I’ve called these his invisible forces you can’t see them until they come out in his behaviour. Even though my sweet boy has a lot to endure for his tender age of four he still smiles, lives life with a gusto, and loves with all his being! I’m so thankful for his tenacity and inner strength that inspire me daily to be better and advocate more for him and his brother. Life throws me curve balls and I’m thankful that I’ve been able to knock them out of the park. I’m only one Mom with an amazing support team and for that my gratitude is endless. 

I have another passion in life besides reading, writing, and fitness  and that is theatre. I’ve been so blessed to become part of an amazing cast in the  pantomime Beauty and the Beast. We’ve had four performances this week with a sold out show today! I love being part of this very talented cast of all ages with the camaraderie we share on stage and backstage. This is my theatre family who make me laugh, cry, and feel grateful to have this connection. I’m so thankful to be able sing, dance, and entertain and put some happiness in some sad hearts- including my own. 

I’ve been keeping up with my book writing and I joined up for Nanowrimo (National November Writing Month) I’ve enjoyed finding writing buddies to encourage me and my own local region that keep me inspired with my daily word count. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to write out the pain that engulfs me and to let it go in print. Being busy has got me further behind with my word count but I’m thankful that I still have some time to catch up. 

Through all of this worry, stress, and grief I have my family holding me up when I feel I will fall. I stumble from time to time and they’re always there to lift up my heart again. Death is difficult, I don’t see the final goodbye to life as a beginning at first. I need time to process it as I think about all that I’ve lost in the last ten years and I’m overcome with emotion. I’m thankful for these dark nights of my soul as they help me appreciate the sunshine in my life. I would be lost without my loves who are my greatest support and the best cheerleaders to be blessed with. 

I’m thankful for a place to share and I thank you for letting me pour it all out here. I write to make sense of things in my life, and to feel less scared. I truly believe that each story I give birth to helps me to heal one fragment of my heart at a time. For that I’m thankful and feel so blessed. 

life

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Oct 26

Ten Things of Thankful

by Jeanine Lebsack

Ive been feeling so many emotions lately and I know that’s always coincided with a full moon on the horizon. Today I spent time reading and I looked out onto a sunny day and the thankfuls were bursting from my heart! I had company this weekend and it was the first time they had been to my house. It was so much fun to show them around and enjoy their company, as my kids jumped around like they were surgically attached to pogo sticks. Today I’m so happy to link up for TTOT and share in my bucket of thankfuls. ❤️

It’s these moments in time I’m so thankful for my family the one I created, and the one I was born into. I’ve been keeping busy reading and writing and I’m so thankful to be published for the first time at Lose Your Cape. I have the blessing to be in their upcoming book Never will I Ever as a contributor. So to read myself there and be introduced as such made my heart glow and tears spring to my eyes. 

I joined my theatre group again this season and we will be putting on the pantomime play Beauty and the Beast. I’m playing a singing chandelier as well as being in the chorus. I’m so thankful for my time with my cast and creativity spent on stage. Singing, dancing, and acting, are three of my greatest passions. So to be able to do all of them at once fills my love bucket to the brim!

I’m thankful that I’m expanding my social circle and enjoying time with my book club. We met today to discuss an urban fantasy novel we had read and as I sat and looked around the room of smiling, kind, very gifted, and knowledgeable people I realized I had found my tribe. I’m so excited that they chose one of the books I really wanted to read and that I will be hosting book club next month. 

There’s times in my life I’m not able to be two places at once so I’m so thankful for my husband for being so supportive. He took our kids to hockey so I was able to be social today and be where I was needed the most. He does this without any need for thank you’s, but I still show and tell him I’m appreciative. As he knows it’s important that I have the me time to feel fufilled and be a better me!

I’m thankful for the busy week I had with running my kids up and down the highway to school and extra curricular activities that I was able to have a day at home to rest and recharge. Being strong and fit are essential to my well being. I get such joy, vitality, and energy from my Beach Body workouts that I’m thankful that I’ve made them a priority in my daily life. I’ve completed my tenth fitness challenge in a Piyo group. This is a combination of Pilates and yoga poses and it makes me feel so much more stronger, dynamic and balanced in my hectic life. 

I’m thankful for the writing opportunities that have come my way on my blog, submissions, and my own book writing in progress. I’ve had the most fortunate experiences to meet and discuss with my new real life, and online friends and authors. I’m learning so much to help me be a success at honing this writing craft, that I’m so proud to be able to do and share with you all. 

I’m so thankful for all the things I’ve learned from my beloved Mama. She is never far from my thoughts and her influence in my life is so greatly appreciated. Her gifts are heaven sent and bestowed on me in little messages, signs in nature, and our special times in the dream world. She is who I write for knowing with her love and guidance of the spoken and written word, I know I’m making her proud one day and one story at a time. ?

 

life

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Jun 27

Quotes from the heart 

by Jeanine Lebsack

This is my day 2 of my quote challenge that Emmanuel Mesuma nominated me for. Today I’m sharing one of my own. This speaks to my heart, soul, and showcases my passions in life. Enjoy, I’m so excited to see what my nominations come up with. ?

  
Today I’d like to nominate 3 special friends. 

1. Silver Threading (a beautiful poet and writer) 

2. Linda G Hamilton

3. Silver lining Mama 

The rules are simple you thank the person who nominated you, pick a quote for three days, and nominate three people each day. ?

Go forth and be inspired to find a beloved quote or share your own. ❤️



life

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May 7

P.T.Macais’ Book series Sugar’s Fate and Seizing Fate Review

by Jeanine Lebsack

  

Today I’m going to be reviewing the book Sugar’s Fate by P.T. Macais. I’ve had the pleasure of working with her before on her Spring Blog Tour hop Love is in the Air. So I was thrilled to sign up to get to actually read her book and let you know what I think. 

  
Review of Sugar’s Fate

If you haven’t read P.T.’s books before I will suggest you buckle up for a fast and wild ride. In the paranormal genre that I love to read she sets the story with us meeting the main characters Artemis Evans and Easton Macenzie. She can’t explain why she’s been having these strange and erotic dreams since she hit puberty. Little does she know that Easton is plagued by the same dream. It’s their mystery that P.T. let’s the reader start to unravel. And when you do wow, what a hot thrill ride awaits! Artemis meets her mate in Easton and their world is turned upside with their sexual intensity and the inner wolf growling inside. I love P.T. Macais’ use of descriptive language in her writing. I really felt like I was in the main characters heads. Feeling their intense feeling and wrapped up in their emotions of love, lust, and gratitude after having finding their mate at last. I really enjoyed this book. It moves fast, and you have to catch your breath. Easton’s character doesn’t mess around with playing the dating game. He’s a wolf and his primal nature is at the forefront of his mind, and he goes after what he wants like a true Alpha male. Due to the highly sexual nature of this amazing, descriptive, book it’s rated for an 18 + mature audience. 

Author P.T.Macais

http://ptmacias.com/ http://ptmacias.blogspot.com/   http://romancefantasymagic.blogspot.com/  
www.amazon.com/author/ptmacias.com https://www.facebook.com/ptmacias.DeLaCruzSaga
Twitter   @pt_macias  https://www.facebook.com/pages/PT-Macias/319871778087970
http://youtu.be/n5p8k_pZ36A

  

Seizing Fate
The story picks up where we left Artemis and Easton’s love affair and her discovery that she’s a hybrid part human, and part wolf. As the book left off with Artemis fighting for her life Easton is intent on protecting his beloved mate and their cub. This brings the Mackenzie family together to meet the Evans family. And our two new characters Grant (Easton’s cousin) and Kymberly (Artemis cousin). The scene is set for the family’s to join in the celebration of Easton and Artemis’ engagement. As soon as Grant and Kymberly meet they are made aware of their wolf mate attraction. He resists because of their age difference but there’s no denying the wolves need to bond with his mate. Soon your swept up in their lusty love affair and taken on an exciting ride of love, power, sex, and intrigue. Like in the previous book Sugar’s Fate the content is of a highly sexual nature and intended for an 18 + mature rating. I loved getting to know these characters and reading the paranormal genre is my first love. Wolves, mates, love, and lust and passion are wrapped up in this series P.T. Macais rocks and knocks it out the park with this exciting book series! 

Availability Links on Amazon for Kindle:

Sugar’s Fate:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00RY8OLZQ?ref=aw_sitb_digital-text

Seizing Fate 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00RY8OLZQ

Thank you for reading my book review today stay tuned for both books to be released in paperback as well. And another writing in progress from P.T. Macias’ titled  Vamphire’s Forbidden Wolf. I’m really looking forward to reading and reviewing that as well. 

life

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Jan 7

Reading, writing and being authentically me

by Jeanine Lebsack

It’s late at night which is my favourite time to write, as I listen to the sounds of snoring filtering through my home. I’ve always been a night owl, even my beloved Mama would say I was the best companion. We would stay up late at night and watch old black and white movies, and I’d dream of being a movie star. Well that never happened I do act, write, sing, and dance but I have yet to see my name up in lights on a marquee. I’m taking part in this new challenge of Blogging 101. Even though I’ve had my blog for over a year I still love a challenge and crave learning experiences. Tonight the assignment was to find five topics and follow five blogs. Easy enough to do as I love to read, as much as I love to write. I couldn’t stop reading though in order to start this blog. I find it very fascinating to see how people live. I’ve always been that curious little girl that wanted to be invited inside strangers homes on Halloween, while trick-or-treating. So I love to read about how people live, what makes them tick, what is their passion. I found a stunning photographer, and a parent who had the most eloquent and deep conversation with her children about the question of what’s a soul. I found someone who writes so poignantly about our pursuit of happiness I’m excited to read more of his journey. I was pleased to find a fellow Twilight Lover whether it’s the book series or the time of day, and a fabulous Mom who writes so beautifully about parenting and transgender bias that I was moved to tears. I couldn’t stop at five, sorry not sorry, the stories were too enthralling. So on that note I look forward to reading more blogs, making new friends, and stretching myself out of my comfort zone daily. Now I really must get some rest, even though I’d rather be reading. Goodnight sweet readers, until the morning sun awakens me, I bid you farewell.

life

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