House of A Writer

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Mar 14

Ten Things of Thankful Successes and Springing Ahead

by Jeanine Lebsack

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I will start out my thankful list by being really honest I loathe the spring time change. I love to sleep, day time naps especially since my youngest son has severe sleep apnea we’re awaiting surgery to repair. Knowing it was coming around the corner of losing that hour filled me a sense of dread. I had intended to change my clocks then my son woke up and needed some cuddles. By the time I got him settled we both fell asleep. Waking up Sunday on my couch and disoriented because I had no idea what time it was is quite a trip. I persevered to get through the day as it was beautiful and sunny and I couldn’t waste a moment of it. So onto to the thankfuls with your co-host of TTOT Fly on our Chicken Coop Wall
I’m thinking of my successes this week on this Sunday where I take 20 minutes for me to write this blog, tuck my kids into bed and get in one last kiss. They’re my biggest successes in life as well maintaining a loving relationship with their Dad. Today was a beautiful sunny day so we went to spend it at the zoo. Laughter, sunshine, and watching the Penguins swim after my happy boys as they played made me giggle and smile. The biggest successes in life are made up of who I love and who loves me. ?

 

Penguins get very hot when they swim so they cool off by fanning their wings out at their sides.

 
I’m thankful that my family therapy program is going well and there’s been a lot of progress with adjusting and changing troublesome behaviours. I feel more confident about keeping myself in check and not overreacting and letting a trigger affect my progress with a difficult situation. I’m noticing the good and ignoring minor behaviours and dealing with major ones immediately. 

I’m thankful for the consistency, calm approach, and compassion that I’ve been able to tap into have been the greatest keys to our families success. We’ve been having regular family meetings and checking in with each other to talk about our feelings. Each of us feels heard and understood and then we usually play a board game or Wii after. 

  
I’m thankful for being consistent and getting four workouts in as well as some resistance training and yoga to build and stretch out my overworked body. It’s been a long slow recovery with my neck injury in January due to how stressed my central nervous system was. I’m happy to say I’m back to feeling 90 % better and know I’ll be back to more cardio and strength training soon. 

I’m thankful I did take the time to rest and recuperate when my body said enough. I’m not always the best at slowing down because the routine and nervous energy has been something I’ve thrived on. I’m learning daily what I can and can’t do and running on empty in my food fuel or emotional tanks is detrimental to my well being. 

  
I’m thankful that I started a new parenting group and I’ve met some like minded parents looking for strategies and I’m refreshing skills that I haven’t been using. I also attend a support group for parents of anxious kids and it’s been a tremendous support and lifeline for my family and I. One major thing I’ve learned is how difficult it is to have my mind and body in a fight or flight response. As well as anxiety lies to us and we are the truth of our feelings. Taking the six second approach to engage my senses I’m able to help myself and my children go from intelligent brain to primal. 

I’m thankful for beautiful weather and I got outside to do walking everyday this week. The sunshine’s an elixir in my life and I feel so much better if I get my vitamin D fix. It always feels better when I walk and I’m able to clear my head when life situations overwhelm me. I see and hear messages that I wouldn’t by being preoccupied. 

 

Angel wings in the sky

 
This week marked a very special occasion as my cousin’s daughter turned one! I’ve written more about her story last year Here and the challenges this sweet baby girl faced. With an incredible, tenacious, Mom with the strength of a warrior guiding her through life and a patient hard working Dad as well a ton of love and support I see nothing but success for Amazing Grace. 

 

Photo courteousy Love by Krista Evans and used with permission

 
I’m thankful that my son had a fun game to round out his hockey season. Both Atom and Novice teams were matched up and the kids had a blast playing against each other. Next season most of them will be reunited on the sane team as Atoms. I’ve come to know a few of these players and their families and my family and I feel blessed to have made some amazing friends. 

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I’m thankful for visiting with my friend, chatting over wine, and enjoying some relaxation in my hot tub. As a special needs parent my days are busy with therapy lessons, school, hockey, and medical appointments. When I put those things all aside and focus on my self care the results are positive for all my family. I feel better knowing I’m taking care of myself and my happiness and that makes me a better person, Mom, wife, and sister! 

I’m thankful that I dropped all of the housework chores and took advantage of a beautiful +15 sunny day. We went to the zoo and had a fabulous time. I watched my kids interacting with the Canadian geese who were almost domesticated with how tame they were. A few of the exhibits were closed due to maintenance and the gorilla family were celebrating a new baby. We were able to see a live cam of the Mama and her little baby cuddling. It melted my heart and made me think of how I cuddled my own growing precious son’s. We’re really not that much different from animal kind and human kind when we all are united in love. 

A Mother’s love ?

life

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Jan 3

Pause 

by Jeanine Lebsack

There are moments in time I’d like to freeze as my children are growing up so fast. One tells me I’m the mayor of Crazy Town (in our household it’s a real place) the other asks me such interesting questions about the Mir space station and will Steve Harvey ever host a Miss America pagent again? 

I still remember when they were babies and the circumstances that led up to me bringing them into the world. One two days late and long and skinny and purple as Barney the dinosaur. The cord was wrapped around his neck and his head was too wide to engage down into the birth canal. He had the brightest eyes and watched my every move as fascinated with me as I was with him. Oh how I loved him I knew he was waiting for me all along. 

I have to pause that moment when he squeezed my finger and looked up into my eyes as it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Now he’s 4″8 and soon will be height at nine years old and towering over me by the time he’s licenced to drive. His little brother made his scary and rapid appearance before I had a chance to prepare for it. I knew nothing about early onset labor and all that will follow having a premature baby. 

I have to press play on my memory bank as those two weeks of having my baby in the hospital NICU are a blur of emotions. He came into the world sleeping the OBGYN actually woke him up as he cut him out of me and lifted him over top of the blue sheet. He was like a little loaf of bread all curled up and he made this meowing sound and I burst out laughing. I looked at my husband and said “did our baby just meow?”

Then the whole OR started laughing and it broke the thick as ice tension with the seriousness of my son’s early arrival. He was such a mystery to me and didn’t open up his eyes for five days. Then when he did I felt like I could see all the wonders of the world. My baby had an old soul and he looked at me as if to say it’s ok Mom I’ve done this before. 

The love I had in that moment enveloped me like a warm mist floating through me and all around as I was lost in the swirling rainbow of emotions. I have to pause that moment in time as everything I read about Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet came flooding back to me. 

Your children are not your children.

They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not of you. 

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

For such a young little life he had this wisdom about him and I was captured by it. When we brought him home he completed our family with his gentleness. It took him two more weeks to find his voice as he was quiet and serious. It was like he was taking every moment in of his new world and didn’t want to miss a minute of it to sleep. We settled into our family of four and I went into grief recovery as my Mom had died five weeks prior to my baby’s birth. 

I felt so much guilt because I loved her so much I couldn’t hold onto my pregnancy. I wanted to pause the last moment I had with her as I told her we were expecting again. The warmth in her hands as she squeezed mine, and the glow in her eyes was my most cherished moment with her. 

I know she watches over my children and wants our greatest gift to be our happiness. Cuddling with my husband while watching our kids entertain us with their antics these are the moments I’d love to pause and hold them in their youth a little longer. 

This had been my Stream of Consciousness Saturday with Linda G Hill as part of Just Jot January posting everyday for the month. Today’s prompt was the word pause. 

  

life

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Dec 6

Miss 

by Jeanine Lebsack

What did I miss today with my head in the clouds or my nose in a book? Sometimes life travels at the speed of light and I have to slow things down and appreciate those moments that might pass me by. 

It feels wonderful to unplug and feel the smooth pages of my next adventure to get lost in. I can go to any coffee shop, restaurant, or theatre and find people with faces in their phone scenery. When I look up at the sky and see the endless possibilities as the sun sets to signal the end of a day. 
Or the beauty of a sunrise as I’m traveling down the road to my next destination. Feeling that sun kiss my face and bathe in it’s stunning glow is a gift from heaven. I can read, write, and wax poetic about this feeling yet to experience it puts all my efforts to shame. I will miss experiencing my children’s giggles as they entertain each other with their antics on a long road trip when we’re awake before the sun. 

I have to look up and see the tapestry of my life that I’ve woven carefully with each golden thread. Friends that smile and wish you all the best and reach out to me and I feel that happiness. What will I miss if I give into my fears and let the anxiety overwhelm me into tears. I would miss that special moments between my love and I those conversations that help me when I want to cry. 

Life is too short to keep my head down and try to escape. When I look up I can see smiles instead of judgement. It’s easy to get lost and think it’s all in my head. When I get too introspective and have nothing but dread. 

This stream of conscious thought has turned into something more. Free running thoughts untangling themselves from the jumble in my mind to turn into poetry or prose. It all feels the same as when the feeling takes over and I’m held captive with how healing my words have become.

 These mindful moments have taught me to look up instead of down, look within instead around. Let love heal you, when you’d rather run and hide. You’ll never know what you’ll miss if you give into foolish pride. 

This Saturday stream of conscious thought is from the lovely Linda G Hill. Today’s word prompt is miss and this is my version as I write on a family road trip. Thanks for journeying with me today as I clear out the cobwebs of my mind. 

life

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Nov 29

My little box of memories

by Jeanine Lebsack

I like to think I’m a juxtaposition of a person I can be soft and gentle with my words and actions, and tough and hard when I feel I’m wronged. I was raised to be strong, speak my mind, and stand up for myself. My parents recognized a tenacious spirit in me when I was very young. I have been a right fighter most of my life. Now I ask myself do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy? 

As a child I could stay awake for hours on end while my poor Mom was sleep deprived and living on pots of cast iron tea to function. This is when four tea bags are added to a tea pot and left to steep all day. My Dad worked long hours as a logger and he would be up getting ready for his work day at midnight. I would still be wide awake partying in my crib. 

He would come into my room and tell me it was time to go to sleep and I would wail even louder. As I got older his attempts to put me to bed became more futile as I had language and comprehension. I would say “Daddy you just go away and mind your own business!”He would walk out shaking his head and say “that bloody kid is lucky she’s cute!”

These are the memories I store in my memory box in my mind. My parents died awhile ago and pictures I have in my memory bank are all I have left. I rely on my older siblings recounts of my childhood and a box of slides to preserve these precious moments in time. I remember when I was young how much I loved to set up the projector to have a slide show as all the happy times came to life on the white sheet pinned to the wall of the living room. The pictures would paint a lively account of the trips we took, birthday parties, baseball games, weddings, and church events. 

Now I store my memories in a special box that keep on my beside table. Inside are pictures of my loved ones,their funeral Mass cards, poems, prayers, and trinkets that they gave me. I have the first story that I ever wrote with my Mom and the first song I wrote for her. I have my Dad’s pins from Lion’s club that he was proud to be a member of for over 30 years. I have a pair of earrings and necklace set from my Gram and Grandpa that they gave me for my graduation, and a old travel sewing kit of my Grandpa’s from the war.

 Each time someone I love passes on I add to this little box. It helps me perserve the love I have for them and keep them alive in my heart. I take them out from time to time when I’m feeling low and in need of a lift from angel wings. I hold them, absorbing the love, energy, and every precious memory I have of my time with them. I feel comforted through my tears as they overcome me with emotion flooding my thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

This little box is my gift I give to myself to pick me up when I stumble and forget how to fly. 
This is a special keepsake that I can pass down to my children when it’s my time to have the special things I’ve given them to place in that box. I’ve written them letters of how I became their Mom and the joy that they have given me with that privilege. As for now I open that box and lovingly hold those memories close to my heart so I will never forget the people who made me who I am today with their presence in my life. I thank them for the gift of their love, light, and guidance. 
  

life

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Nov 21

Writer’s Quotes Wednesday and #Bewow

by Jeanine Lebsack

I was flipping through my camera role looking for outdoorsy photos. I came across so many pictures of my kids, adventures we had taken, and special moments shared. The one I chose was this autumn picture taken from my favourite spot in my backyard. I lay out in my lounger chair and look up at this tree sharing my thoughts and feeling comforted and protected by its presence and beauty. 

This is a submission to Writer’s Quotes Wednesday  from Siver Threading and #BewowWriter’s Quotes Wednesday and Be a Wonderful Writer check out all the talent pouring forth from that creativity cup. ?

  

life

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Apr 18

Mindfulness

by Jeanine Lebsack

I look around me and I see all the beauty around me. I see the sun shining as it rises up over the hills. As it floods the sky with it’s beautiful pinks, yellow, and blues. I walk out onto my deck with my tea cup in hand, and I’m struck with how blessed I am. The colours swirl and intermingle as the sun starts to rise in the sky. I wrap myself up in my fuzzy blanket and sip my tea. This morning I’m not thinking of my to do list, what to make for dinner, or about the laundry that needs folding. For now I sit back and enjoy the beauty and tranquility in this moment. 

 

  
Soon my quiet will be broken as my alarm goes off and it’s time to get my oldest son up for school. I sit with him and we chat about what will happen in his day as he eats breakfast. Soon he’s dressed, ready, kissed, hugged and out the door while his little brother still slumbers. I crawl back into my bed and read for a few delicious moments before he wakes up. These quiet moments hold such beauty for me as they’re few and far between. I catch up on my reading, laundry, and I hear the sound of my youngest son waking. 

He’s so much like me not a morning person as he stomps down the hall. If he was old enough to drink coffee I’m sure he’d demand where it is! We sit and snuggle under my cozy blanket as he adjusts to his wakefulness. After he gets his fill of Mommy’s cuddles we have breakfast. By now he’s wide awake and filling every empty space with his chattering. I smile and realize just how precious and beautiful it is to hear his voice. The beauty of it is that he was speech delayed for so long. Where he only had a few words at two, now at four there’s a word and comprehension explosion! I love to see his face when he says certain words like delicious, sure, I will eat up the no or throw maybe in the garbage when he doesn’t like something being said. 

My sons fill my life and my heart with their love, honesty, and the beautiful beings that they are. When it came to God blessing my husband and I with these two precious souls we hit the jackpot. There’s such a tenderness in the way they love and adore each other and us. I casually joke around that we’re riding the crazy train or going to crazy town, and I’ve been told I’m the mayor of it by my youngest!  And when I hear Ozzy’s Osbourne’s song Crazy Train I will crank it up and exclaim this is my jam. But oh how I love them, and want to hold them and stop them from growing up so fast! I know that’s not possible but time can just stand still for a little while. The magic of the moments frozen in time fill my love bucket to the brim! 
  
It’s time for me to carry on with my day doing my chores. Tidying up my kitchen, unloading, and loading the dishwasher while listening to my favourite radio station. There’s a mindfulness in the rhythm of my life. As I listen to my washing machine singing its little tune that it’s done, and my son and I walk down the stairs, counting each step as we go. 

He trots off to the toy room as I switch the laundry over and carry on to the living room. I set him up with a movie and as he relaxes into the comfort of his blanket and the antics of Toopie and Binoo I watch him with amazement. How much he’s grown, endured, and how he sees the world. I pull out my treadmill, set it up, and step on. As I start out with walking and work up to a light jog I’ve entered my zen. I’m lost in the mindfulness of my footsteps while  I hear my adorable son’s infectious giggles, the whir of the motor, and I feel my heart beating in the rhythm of mindful beauty.  

This has been my contribution to the #OBP #bunkerpunkwordswap. Come and follow along and read some amazing bloggers today. Thank you. ❤️ 

life

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