House of A Writer

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

I am Machine

I am machine, I wish I could feel something.
I am machine I sleep with my eyes wide open.
I am machine I wish I could fix what’s broken.
I am machine I wish I could feel something.
I hear these words pounding out of my radio and I’m transfixed by their sounds, their lyrical brilliance, and remarkable timing. I just finished saying to my Captain today I am a machine. As I crawled out of bed with 4 hours of sleep and waking up to find one of two kids in my bed. My throat was scratchy, my eyes blurry from lack of restful sleep, and my body achy from what I suspect is the flu. Captain says “what’s wrong Mom?” I reply “I think I’m sick.” He responds “ok I’ll get Dad to take me to school. I said “No he has to go to work. It’s ok I’m a machine I’ll take you.”

I do survive on little sleep, live a busy life, and suffer from anxiety. At some point in my days I have raging, anxious, emotions to deal with one or sometimes both of my sons. Yet here I am day after day doing the hard stuff, fun stuff, and the not so fun stuff. Because I’m a machine and it has to get done. Appointments with teachers, school staff, Dr’s and hockey fill up my calendar. The house needs cleaning, laundry needs folding, and this machine Mama needs a nap or a sick day. We know that’s not going to happen-ever. This isn’t a blog to whine or start a pity party. It simply states that parents don’t get sick days, more like minutes to pop a pill, chug some cough syrup, grab the Visine drops and go. No matter how tired, stressed, or sick I am life carries on even if I have to push myself through it. And when my body aches with the virus invading my system or my old back injury, I just pop some vitamins and keep on trucking (as my Dad used to say.) I think our bodies cry out when they’re overloaded sensory wise, chemically, emotionally and physically suffering. It shows in our skin, nutrition, sleeping patterns, ability to handle stress, and pain intolerance. I spend so much time regulating my kids that I get lost in the process. I comfort myself to know I’m doing all I can to help them, in a world that’s too busy, bright, harsh, and loud for them. I believe we are all Mama (and Papa) warriors who will break down walls, barriers, and intolerances to make our kids safe, happy, and healthy. So listening to this song from Three days Grace has me spellbound as I slowly and hypnotically move to the beat of the music. As I pour out all my stress, angst, and fears into every heart shattering lyric, and lose myself in this beautiful sensory experience. And nothing else on earth exists for these 3.5 minutes, just me the Mom machine. I’m lost in the rhythm of the music and I think to myself thank you, for writing this song with these powerful lyrics because finally someone gets it.

I found this prompt on Run or walk to your nearest music playing device and turn it on. Select a lyric from the first song you hear. Use that lyric into a piece of writing (fiction, non-fiction, poem, letter etc.) The twist work the name of the artist into your writing as well.