House of A Writer

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Theft  

I’ve put my heart and soul into the words I write. I have spoken and written the truth. It’s the way I live my life, and it’s what I teach my children. But what if I’m asked “Mommy are we going to be ok?” Are we going to find Daddy? How do I answer that when I don’t really know, I’m honest, truthful, as I’ve just said but not this time. The theft of my conscience in that moment rocked me to my core. 

It started out as a wonderful night of my husband and I surprising our kids. We were going into the city and going to see our first live Lacrosse game. We drove to the train station and started on our journey. My youngest son loves trains, and we’ve watched Thomas on Netflix on a continuous loop. To say he was excited is the understatement of the year. We started out on our train ride while talking about the sights we were seeing before us. 

Half way to our destination we found out the train route was being redirected and we would have to take the bus. So we went from excitement to a new change, which my youngest son doesn’t deal well with it at all. We boarded a very busy bus and sat in our seats. I sat behind the bus driver and my son got really upset because I sat in his seat. I picked him up and set him on my knee, which caused him to really panic. As he was freaking out and flailing in my arms, my husband stood up and I moved him back to his seat. 

Everything was under control as I checked in with my oldest son who has problems with being in close proximity to people in crowds. He was coping the best he could, because he could see his brother was struggling. Then I hear a woman talking she says “I wouldn’t have let him have the seat. I did that before and it ending badly.” I looked at her surprised she was even talking to me that’s when the theft of my patience happened. I said “he has autism, back off!” She replied that her son had it too.

 I had to stay my tongue even though I was boiling inside. I wanted to say “bitch you take care of your own backyard, and stay out of mine!” But I grumbled to my husband while the ignorant woman’s daughter listened to my every word. We finally reached our destination and the weather was bitterly cold so we ran to the arena. I was very relieved to find our seats and to sit down and wait for the festivities to start. The game was very exciting, action packed, and loud. By the third quarter my son’s were done. So we packed up to leave and started out for the train. It was getting ready to leave so my husband said jump on with the kids, so we did just that. He stayed at the ticket booth and we sat down to wait for him. 

The theft of my heart crushed me as I watched the doors close behind me. I tried to open them but the train was moving and the button wouldn’t engage. I sat with my son’s as they began to cry and wail for their Daddy. My own heart was breaking with their pain and anguish. I held them and tried to calm their fears and still my own. We had to get off the train and a woman was telling me instructions on what train to catch. I got out and waited for my husband and after 15 minutes he hadn’t shown up. My oldest began to cry so I hugged him, then my youngest wanted to be held. There was two security guards nearby and they asked how they could help. 

I told them of our situation and they radioed security at the last station with my husband’s description. We waited inside the bus terminal and then a man got the hackles on my neck rising up. So I went outside to stand with the security guards. The one was a wonderful British man who started talking to my son’s about sports. He was giving them a great distraction and me the tired Mama, a break. He got the call back and they couldn’t find my husband, so I made the decision to take the train home. 

I had told my son’s I wouldn’t leave the city without their Dad. But it was getting late and colder and I believed this was the best decision. When I’ve been lost before I’ve always remembered that if you go back to your original destination, that’s where you’ll find your beginning. As we boarded the train I silently thanked God for protecting us and held my son’s closer. What is it about the late nights that bring the creepy people out?!! Ugh creepy guy at 1:00, as my Mama bear is on high alert. My oldest is squeezing my hand so tight my knuckles are turning white. Yet I don’t say anything but “I’ve got this son, we’ll find your Dad and I have friends that live by the train station.”

He seemed to relax a little knowing that so we start counting the stops and coming up with rhymes. I’m doing my best to occupy his mind as his little brother is loving being on the train. We finally arrive at our destination and see my husband walking towards us. My heart skips a beat and I see him smile with relief. Our son’s run to him and I almost collapse with relief!  We get to our truck, warm up my seat and head home. Hoping that I will never have to go through that theft of loss again. 

This has been my Sunday confession with www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. Please check out her anonymous confessions on her Facebook page. As well as all the other talent who link up. Thank you for popping by. ?

  

  

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Consumed

I have been consumed as of late by every little thought, action that I make. I have struggled to get my sons the help they need from Doctors, professionals, the school, and now support services. I had to move out of the province to find the support they needed. And now it’s finally coming to be, as I met with my Dr and begged him to help my sons with their anxiety and neurological disorders one diagnosed, and one pending. It’s been a long haul for my family as I’ve been consumed with keeping the peace in my home and beyond. My Dr came through since I’ve received minimal help from my former province. So he’s wrote a referral for my kids to see a developmental paediatrician, and we will start the process in January. I’ve also qualified and have had respite care so Mama can get a break too. And starting next week my husband and will able to have a scheduled date night as well. I haven’t felt like the best wife for some time now, because it’s so hard when I’m consumed with keeping everyone calm. And when we’re not then it just feels like hell on earth. The screaming, crying, whining, sensory overloaded meltdowns drain me of my life force. I feel old, tired, and completely spent with nothing left to give. I’ve felt consumed over my children and have left my husband on the proverbial back burner. I’ve felt torn over my love for him and how much I love and need to be there for our kids. He’s always there loving, helping, and cheering me on as I fight battle after battle. And yet I’m too exhausted to really appreciate it. It’s not fair for either of us but it’s our lives and we make the good and not so good times work. It’s all about balance and not letting each of us get too consumed. Him with his work, me with our kids health, my oldest with his anxiety, and our youngest with his fears. This Christmas I was prepared I had the sensory tools, all the calming regulating techniques with music, fidgets, and the electronic devices charged and ready. And my kids did great, they slept in Christmas morning due to all the excitement the night before. My husband’s family celebrates with Danish tradition and that’s complete with a turkey dinner with all the trimmings, and then presents after. So it was a treat to sip my tea and Bailey’s and read while enjoying the Christmas tree and softly falling snow outside. This was my first moment of peace and contentment and I was happy to share it with my love. I wasn’t consumed about anything no presents to wrap, no breakfast to make, no occupational therapy schedule to plan, just pure happiness. After our kids woke up we enjoyed their excitement as they dived into their Santa gifts and I enjoyed his goodies in my stocking too. We had a lovely breakfast prepared by my Father in-law and after cleanup I played outside in the snow with my sons. We had so much fun making snow angels, running, rolling, and jumping off the deck into beautiful fresh powder.

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It was truly what my mind, body, and spirit needed. I looked at the mountains consumed with their beauty and marvelled at how lucky I was to grow up with this in my backyard. Now I can share in this luxury with my children as we have to drive now to see the mountains up close. There are moments in time that truly takes my breath away, and this was one. I wanted to stop and freeze time and become consumed with this love. My tummy was full, my heart was filled, and my spirit was rejoicing in the magic of Christmas. Blessings to you all as you enjoy the very best of this beautiful season.

This has been my submission the lovely http://lindaghill.com. Please check out her post and all the other talent that links up. Happy new year my dear readers. ?❤️

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