Going without sleep does strange things to a person. You begin to forget what day it is as your days and nights merge into each other. There’s never enough hours to even catch up and the mood swings are crazy! Odd little scenarios play out in my head “my name’s Mrs. Bitchy, and I’ll be your bitch today.” After I’ve been sleep deprived for a few days I’ve been known to be the mayor of bitchyville. I just want to curl up and sleep for a hundred years like Rip Van Winkle. Everything starts to suffer like my relationships, household, projects, and health. As everything in my world starts to focus on sleep, as I count how many hours I get and how much I’ve lost. I become obsessed with counting Bon existent sheep and exist as a “Mombie” living on snacks and caffeine. My kids begin to forget what a fun Mom I used to be as this shell of an exhausted Mom takes her place. The guilt I feel is crushing, even debilitating, and I want to be able to whisk my kids away with fun and laughter for an awesome adventure. All the things that cause me to have sleepless nights begin to wear on me and my patience runs thin. The guilt wears away at my heart that I wear on my sleeve, and I do all I can to make up for my deficits. My children are so loving and forgiving and understand when I just need to crash hard on the couch while they watch a movie. I catch up when I can on the weekends when my kind husband lets me sleep in. It’s not always this way, sometimes everyone gets more sleep than usual even me. That’s a glorious night when I get more than four hours of sleep and I survive to face another day. Through a sleep hazed fog we don’t think, see, or feel clearly so I do my best not to take my crankiness out on the ones I love. If I do my guilt is punishment enough for my transgressions. Sleep apnea plagues my sweet little boy so restful nights are few and far between for him as well. Now we finally find someone and some ways to help him. So here’s to sleep filled nights, caffiene, cuddles, love, laughter, and happiness. Because without these things my world would be a dark place indeed. I celebrate my sleep victories and look forward to restful nights ahead.
0 thoughts on “My sleep journey”
Sleep well! 🙂
Thank you, I’ve been going to bed earlier and scored 2 nights worth 7 hours of sleep. 🙂
Whoo hoo! 🙂
Yes I most certainly celebrate little sleep victories. 😉
Thank you for visiting my blog. I hope that what I post, the words that I sense the Lord speaking to me cam be of comfort to you also when in a dark place or going through frustration or maybe loneliness. You are loved by Him everyday. Hugs.
Thank you, thank you, thank you Lisette!!! Your words reach my heart and I feel very grateful for your blog. ?
I was wondering if the tab on how to journal is of blessing to you? I really want to share this with you because what a deep comfort to sit and chat with such a cool person as Jesus when you cant sleep anyway… Let me know if it is explained well enough…
I think that sounds wonderful. ?
🙂 🙂 🙂
I know how sleep deprivation affects us.
It’s honestly the most debilitating thing I’ve ever gone through. Thank you for reading. ?
You are welcome. This is what I am going through. Want to change it.
It’s so hard to explain it unless you’re living it. ? I realized I would burn out soon if I didn’t get help. And thank God that happened and I can see light at the end of a very dark tunnel. ?
Who help you to get out of it? 🙂 Though my parents are trying to help me to stop from having sleep deprivation, I still fall due to trying to complete as many tasks as possible in order to be productive.
I’m still not out of the woods yet. But I’ve reached out to some great supports for my son and I since his OSA diagnosis. I found a sleep specialist and she’s treating my son. And I’m going to contact my Dr for a referral to a sleep clinic. The specialist treating my son says everything is connected to our diet. So for me it’s pain management, and for my son allergies. I would suggest you see your Dr and go from there. Wishing you well on your journey to the land of nod. ?
I see. Thanks.
Great that you can slowly break out of the woods. You can do it in Christ’s strength upon your weaknesses. 🙂
My diet is well taken care of. At night, a lot of creative ideas to animate, design and even to photograph are running in my mind. And also to complete the last minute changes to my freelance work.
Thank you, that is one of my favorite verses in the bible. ? So its not a diet issue for you as it is for my son and I. Hmmm which is great to know, so maybe it’s your brain that doesn’t want to shut off for the night?
? most likely.
Well in that case I’d recommend listening to Deepak Chopra for those nights of what I like to call “thinkitis”. ?
Hmm 🙂 Deepak Chopra? Can I find it from YouTube?
Oh yes he has a youtube channel called Chopra Center. And if you youtube his name tons of videos come up. Namaste my friend. ?
My friend, thanks
Youre very welcome. ?
So well put… “Sleep Victories” & “Mombie” will be words I credit you with as I journalize my sleepless nights. Each day I bless my beans before I grind them. 🙂
Aww thank you so much! I can totally relate to the zombies when I watch the Walking Dead. Not the craving brains part, just the need for caffeine and a nap or both at the same time. Sweet dreams to you sweet Nicole. ??
Oh so familiar! Mombie stalks and rules this place many a time. Always fear I will become so sleepless I will turn into Edward Norton in Fight Club and grow an extra personality that kicks heinies and raises mayhem. Although…some of that could be a little cool. 🙂 Good post!
Thank you, yes I’ve come to think sleep is overrated at times. It still makes me want more, but I take what I can get and catch up on a nap or two on the weekends. This Mombie likes wine and Ed Norton. ?
Ah yes, sleep deficits. I am definitely feeling this today, might give you a run for that Mayor of Bitchyville!
Oh no sorry to read of you not feeling well rested! It’s such a strange zone to be in. I just feel like I’m living in Charlie Brown land where everyone sounds like his parents. People are talking to me but all I hear through my sleep fog, is wah wah wah wah! I hope you can catch some zzzz’s very soon. ?
After almost 15 years of no sleep, I have gone way past the “tired and bitchy” and directly into “happy amidst the delirium”!!
It’s a way of life isn’t it hon? I wrote this a year ago and not much has changed in the sleeping patterns. Except I’ve had someone finally join my team willing to help my son. Happy, delirious, chronically optimistic and exhausted describes me most days. ??❤️
We are kindred because sleep comes to me when I can’t partake in it. Like right now, it is almost 4pm. My prime time that I could crash. But I usually push past it and then I am overtired which messes up my sleep again! Great blog!
Thank you so much I’m glad that we are kindred sleep deprived souls across the inter webs. It helps us feel less alone. That’s my witching hour too when both my kids are home for school and I want to nap. I jump on my treadmill and have my shakeology and I’m good to go till midnight. Wishing you restful nights ahead Dee. ?❤️
Cool. You do Shakeology. I sell it! We are seriously sisters in this interesting roller coaster of life. Glad I met you!!
I do I’m a BB coach too we should connect on Team BB to be workout buddies. I’m Jsackmom on there too. ?
I’m glad to have met you in you want to send me a pm I can add you on Team BB. ??
I am actually on a team, but am not happy about the person I originally signed under because she doesn’t really do beachbody. Know what i mean? We must talk!
Yes we must, can you message me on FB at Jsack Moms House?
I can relate with this as I’m also sleep deprived very much. Without sleeping pill I can’t sleep but the funny thing is that sleeps comes when it is not appreciated.
It’s a difficult road in life to have sleep issues. Now I’m finally getting control of my son’s it’s time to deal with my insomnia. I still agree that naps are the best gift you can give to yourself. ?
I understand where you’re coming from! I’ve had sleep deprivation for many years and I’m only 26. I just can’t fall into a deep sleep and I’m always so exhausted during the day. It sucks!
It does take its toll over the years. My son has OSA and I’ll be getting assessed for it as well. It doesn’t matter if I go to bed and wake at decent hours I’m still not well rested. Deep sleeps only happen during nap time. I hope you have done restful nights soon. ?
Thanks! I hope it all works out for you and your son too!!
You’re welcome I appreciate it. Sleep hygiene is an absolute necessity in our lives. ?