House of A Writer

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

You’re my favourite hello, and my saddest goodbye

on 7 April 2017

Gone-your voice that used to fill the room with laughter echoing off of the walls is gone. Never to be heard again, or feel that warm energy emanating from your soul. 

Gone- to live a new life amongst the angels, free of worry, pain, and the strife of the worlds sorrows. There's nothing more but my memories to hold onto and squeeze all the joy and happiness from until it's a worn out rag. 

Gone- 3 deaths in a space of 5 long grief filled weeks, how much more can my poor broken heart take? Every loss reminds me of my own loving parents and Grandparents. Who taught me to be strong in the face of adversity and face my challenges with an iron fist, and to smash any obstacles that stood in my way. 

Gone-the beauty of the storyteller forever silenced and only the loved ones to carry on those tales of family tree origins and how we came to be from our ancestors. Your words that still echo in my ears to this day. While I come to terms with the final goodbye. 

Gone- I look to the stars watching for a sign from you to let me know you've made your journey to be with God. Are you dancing in heaven with a spring in your step from cloud to cloud or singing with the angels chorus of glory and exaltation? 

Gone- to sit on a cloud and not only ponder lifes meaning but to truly find it and realize how much you were trapped on earth in the vessel known as your body. 

Gone-While I feel the need to express how in your body you were somebody special to me. Never will I look upon your face feeling that kindness when I looked at your smile. Never will I look into those sparkling eyes that held wonderment and mischief of a joke you were wanting to tell. 

Gone- to a place amongst the clouds to learn, laugh, and love again while I sit her trapped in my melancholy mood. Seeing your loved ones and being reunited with a heartfelt love of gratitude that shines brighter than a thousand suns. 

Gone-from this earthly plane and lighting up the heavens, but not from my heart. No one will take your place in my dreams, prayers, and aura. 

Gone-One thing that will always remain is my love for you as steadfast as the mountains. Life has to go on even when I don't want it to. Could the earth stop spinning long enough for me to recover? 

Gone-the memories are a comfort at this woeful time yet I'd trade them all in to hear your voice saying how are you. 

Gone-Is the gift our friendship and the special nickname you had for me. I will go on, time will pass, yet it won't heal my gaping wounds. 

Gone-Grief doesn't have an expiry date and I will feel all the feelings and cry all the tears until I'm spent and exhausted of trying to appear as if I'm fine

Gone- I'm not ok, fine, or feel the least bit that I can cope with so much loss. As I sit here in the dark pouring out my heart. I'm crying now and bleeding tears of anguish and pain. 

Gone-There's so much more to say, to write, to spin into poetry. But I'm tired of holding up this armor that I've put around myself. To protect me from lifes cruelties and another possible death. 

Gone-I will have my love and admiration for you until I breathe my last breath and see you again. 

Gone-You're my favourite hello and my saddest goodbye.

15 Responses to “You’re my favourite hello, and my saddest goodbye”

  1. Colleen says:

    ((((( Hugs )))) Sweet Jeanine ❤

  2. Chuck says:

    Hi Jeanine,
    Your work reveals much and we can feel your pain. You probable know that grief is a several stage process. I re-read your February piece and versus this one, I see acknowledgement and acceptance of your grief in this one. You are moving towards resolution. I am sure it is difficult to write about your loss. However, it is a perfect remedy towards healing. Don’t stop writing such beautiful prose that expresses what is in your heart and soul. You have the talent to express the emotions than many have experienced before you. Don’t stop writing. Hugs

    • jsackmom says:

      Hi Chuck thank you so much for your kind words. I’ve had to come to terms with my grief as I’ve experienced a lot in the last 10 years. Being empathic causes me to feel emotions very deeply, mine own and others. I can’t stop the pain but I can learn to embrace it, work through it, and most importantly learn from it. I take nothing for granted any longer because we each don’t know if tomorrow’s our last day. I’m feeling your hugs today and I’m grateful that you stopped by to read my words. Namaste. ?

      • Chuck says:

        I made the assumption your grief was recent. Mine was 36 years ago and yet there are times it feels like yesterday. The first few years, I captured some of my emotions in my journal. To re-read them can be difficult, but also healing. Stay strong and please don’t stop writing such beautiful prose. Hugs

        • jsackmom says:

          Yes my grief is recent losing 3 of my loved ones. One in Feb, March, and now April. Also my past losses of my parents was 8 and 6 years ago. It amazes me how I can tailspin and go back to that pain as if it were yesterday. That’s what deep love does to you. I woke up this morning after learning of my friends death late last night, listening to Knocking on Heavens Door and a flood of tears and memories came back to me. Hugs back to you Chuck. ?

  3. Love, prayers, and wishes for peace for you, my friend.

  4. SynDolly says:

    I am so sorry sweet sister, I had no idea you were going through all of this. If ever you need me…I’m a fb msg away. Te Amo.

  5. Canuck Carl says:

    Dear Jeanine,
    I am just reading this now. I am sincerely sorry for your losses. May God protect with His own armor and give you strength, healing, courage, comfort and protection in the days ahead.
    In Christian love,

  6. Charli Mills says:

    Jeanine, I’m wishing you much love and peace as you walk through your grief.

  7. KIA says:

    They never leave us. I’m so sorry For Your loss. Prayers and good wishes for you and your family

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