House of A Writer

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

Acting and other lies I tell myself

on 15 December 2016

When I was a little girl I always wanted to be an actress. I remember late night movie watching with my Mom. We loved the classics of Audrey Hepburn, Lauren Bacall, and Marilyn Monroe. I felt happy and safe in that world of film. When I grew older and had opportunities to participate in school plays and Christmas concerts I jumped at the chance. 

 I memorized songs, dialogue, and full scripts for plays. Theatre had always been my first love and I joined a wonderful group and they quickly became my theatre family. I felt so loved and accepted there with my beloved Hope Pact. I sang with such confidence and determination. Then immersed myself into my character enjoying an Irish accent, and learning my lines, songs, while researching the history of my chosen role. 

Life has always been easier when I’m on my stage. I throw myself into the script and I don’t think of any outside influences. Now I still act but I’m in the background singing with a chorus or taking a secondary role. Where did the confidence go, why don’t I sing with grace and passion like I did before? 

Now I feel like I’m really acting avoiding the hurt I feel when someone has wronged me. I don’t lash out I don’t kick ass or take names like my personality would have me do before. I feel but I’m tending to hide the affects of those emotions more. I’ve always been a person who wore their heart on their sleeve. Which is still true but I act like I’m Teflon and things bounce right off of me. 

They don’t though, it’s just this one act play that has become my life of hiding those true thoughts and feelings. Does anyone care about all the tears I cry flooding my fragile ego until it sinks in an ocean of denial? This is my plight one I choose to accept and be proactive to change. Or continue on with acting and wearing those rose coloured glasses that impede my true vision.  The time to be real is now and stop acting like I’m wearing a titanium suit of armour. I will persevere I always do, find my voice again, sing with courage and conviction, and leave the actress on the stage where she belongs. 

20 Responses to “Acting and other lies I tell myself”

  1. Fabulous post……………

  2. Poignant and beautifully written post!

    Leave the actress on stage where she belongs, but never forget why you wanted to be her. The fact that you’ve “lost” your passion for acting or singing could be that you’ve grown to a point where doing something that you love is more important than fully immersing yourself into a role and risk losing the beautiful soul that you are.

    Peace & love – Christine

  3. New Journey says:

    great post…..xxxkat

  4. […] rather than engaging the hurt she feels when wronged by others. In this piece, she examines the way we fool ourselves via personal […]

  5. julespaige says:

    We act everyday. Sometimes with more confidence than others. I think I spent my wad of tolerance having to deal with difficult ‘family’ and being told how cute instead of beautiful I was.
    I tend to avoid crowds and those who I think are less accepting of the ‘real me’. Writing everyday helps. 😉

    Best to you. 🙂

    • jsackmom says:

      I truly believe this. I love the quote from Shakespeare “all the worlds a stage and we are merely actors. My confidence is when I’m on stage nothing can touch me there in my theatre bubble. I’m always called cute too, it comes part and parcel because I’m short. Crowds are not my happy place I have to be on the outside looking in. One of my many quirks, I’m glad we can find joy and solace in our writing. ?

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