Monday Musings A-Z challenge-Compassion
I was raised to have a compassionate heart. My Mom was a big believer in showing compassion instead of anger. She didn’t have an evil bone in her body and she believed that people judged others by what they saw in themselves. I still carry this belief and honour her memory by teaching my children the same. Some have called me naive because of this truth I hold to dearly. That’s one’s opinion but not my truth.
It will still baffle me as an adult when some members of society don’t show compassion. I see it in daily life when someone driving cuts off another car. I see it in a long lineup when someone throws their money at a cashier. I observe it in a restaurant when dining out with my family when my son becomes disruptive at the table.
The reason is he has autism, and he doesn’t sit still for long. Ten patrons can turn into twenty and he becomes visually overstimulated to his environment. He also “stims” when his body is seeking sensory input to regulate his central nervous system. He does this by jumping, rocking or dancing on the spot. I see the looks, overhear the whispers and take him outside to shake his wiggles out. I don’t attempt to try to shush him out of embarrassment because it can escalate matters quickly when he feels he’s not being understood.
This is why we eat at one restaurant in our town. The food’s amazing and we’ve become wonderful friends with the owners during our time here. They know my family and they know of my son’s autism. If things are loud and crowded in their establishment my husband will go in and order us take out. If we make a plan to phone ahead we put in our order so that it arrives when we walk in the door. I’ve been at this game changing strategy for awhile now as he had a diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder first at the age of 3.
I had to prepare him for the world as it can be too loud, bright, and busy. I don’t feel that anyone owes my son any special favours all I would ask for is compassion. I recently shared on a Autism page of my son’s diagnosis. It was World Autism Awareness day and I felt brave sharing something so personal to our family. I made the mistake of not wearing my armour in sharing my son’s story. I had briefly discussed the judgements that we’ve received and even a personal attack on my parenting him through a sensory meltdown.
What I forgot in that moment of courage was that anything put out there on the Internet can be judged. That came to pass and I was stunned by the commenters lack of compassion. I thought to myself I don’t know this person’s story and yet she believes that she knows mine in one paragraph. I stayed in my #Mommitment mind, I may be judged on my words but I know my spirit. I didn’t reply and I was blessed that the admins of the page deleted the comment and left my story up.
It was liked and shared a few times and I felt relief that I wouldn’t be having to face that hurt again. It was such a strange feeling to be put on the spot like that from another parent. I will admit there’s a lot I still need to learn and not everyone wants to Light it up blue for autism awareness. Not all organizations are everyone’s cup of tea but I learn something from each of these groups and I gain support, understanding, compassion and that virtual hug of not feeling so alone. I just learned today from a amazing blogger friend that autism by definiton means “to be alone.” This brought tears to my eyes and made me realize I never want that to happen to my sweet son.
My son has autism, but I don’t believe it defines him as a person. His precious giggle when playing hide and seek with his brother. His beautiful smile when he tells me he loves me with a sound, words, or a kiss. These things define him and when the world has gotten to loud and crowded for him and he reacts to his environment by melting down; he’s not being a brat, this is not a temper tantrum, all I ask is for a little compassion and understanding. It helps the eye of the society storm feel a little less scary to navigate.
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16 thoughts on “Monday Musings A-Z challenge-Compassion”
Hi Jsack’s mom. I am visiting from Monday Musings. Sorry you received that personal attack on your story/experience. I hate that. You probably touched many people who needed to hear you but didn’t know how or what to comment. Don’t sweat the meanies. You never know how big or small blogging circles are but I was wondering if you’ve visited breaktheparentingmold(dot)com ? I know they are looking for contributors.
Hi Kenya and welcome to my corner of the blog world. It was an opportunity to learn and grow from my experience. But to say I was shocked with the judgement was an understatement. I’ve heard of that website I will have to submit something to them. Thank you for your kindness. ?
I know there are too many intolerant idiots in the world. Well done to you and how you have managed and well done to your little boy.
I know I have to develop a thicker skin at times but I honestly was shocked. Thank you for your kindness. ?
As always, you’re welcome Jeanine and I know what you mean about thick skin. On a personal note, hang around my 80smetalman blog because early next week, I’m going to reveal my favourite Canadian band of all time.
I never wanted to change who I was in response to who I am. Yet I didn’t want those words to cut me like a knife. I will for sure hang out on your blog. I’m excited for your big reveal. ?
Neither did I and I think you might be pleasantly surprised at the reveal.
I’m looking forward to it. ?
great post……I was part of a family who owned restaurants, good Italian dinner houses and nothing made me happier than making peoples experience the best it could be…..and I loved it when the folks came back again and again and again….it was always fun to know what made them happy and be there for them….xxskat
Oh wow that sounds special. I love Italian food I had a lot of friends who’s Mom’s and Nona’s that would pinch my cheeks and say too skinny, mange, mange. I think the act of compassion needs a serious comeback. I can feel the joy expressed in your memory of how much it meant to you to recall such happiness. ?❤️
thanks I have many good memories from those days…long long long time ago…LOL
I can relate. had a lot of Italian friends and time with their families are some of my most special childhood memories. ?
Though people can be mean, I feel sorry for them. Look at the awesomeness they’re missing out on, not knowing our kids or others like them!
Hang in there, my dear. 🙂
Yes I agree I was stunned and then I re read the comments again and could feel the pain that was pouring forth. Thank you Linda you helped me feel a lot better about this. ?❤️
I came late to this post, but I’m glad I read it. People don’t realize how much they miss out on when they’re quick to judge and condemn. Often a little more openness, understanding and compassion can lead to us learning more about others, the world and ourselves.
Thank you Corinne I really appreciate you reading. I agree a lot with your point of view. It was a really learning experience and eye opening. In the past the anger would’ve consumed me and I would retaliate with my “forked tongue.” Now I have to think of what impact that will have on my happiness, well being, and my son’s. ❤️