Monday Musings-Triggers of the Past

What is it about the past that activate the triggers in your mind from childhood? It’s like those thoughts lay in a locked  box deep inside my brain then something happens and then they’re triggered, and opened up to sift through like a filing cabinet of memories. I recently woke up with a stiff neck and had to spend most of my day resting and stretching my overworked muscles. 

I started a new fitness program and I was overzealous about it and this is the result. I have to remember I’m not twenty anymore and take it at a less than frantic pace. All I could think about as I lay there feeling sorry for myself was how much I loved to climb as a child. You could find me in trees, on top of the roof of my house, and sitting on my Mom’s upright piano. 

There was one time I was climbing like usual after I bounded out of the house after breakfast. I reached out to grab a branch and instead I grabbed a snake! You can imagine my fright as I felt helpless and plummeted to the earth below. I lay there listening to my bones crack I wondered if I could walk and if that snake was going to land on my head. I could see it still in the tree hissing at me like something out of Disney’s Robin Hood. 

I never did like that character Sir Hiss as my Mom and Gram had a fear of snakes and all I knew was to fear them as well. My Mom came outside to check on me and saw me lying on the ground. She started screaming, crying, and praying as she tried to find help. All my siblings had left for school and my Dad for work. So she picked me up and brought me into the house. 

She laid me softly down on the couch and covered me with my favourite blanket. She put a cool washcloth on my forehead and began to check my head and neck for damage. I was so sore and had a big goose egg on the back of my skull. It hurt to move my neck so I just laid there while my sweet Mama cried and prayed over me. 

We lived in a rural community so to find anyone home to take me to the Dr was a slim and none chance. My Mom gave me something for the pain and turned on the tv. She had put my favourite show Sesame Street on and I listened and drifted off to sleep. I survived that fall and many others because I was a climber. Now I have my own child that loves to climb bookshelves, the back of the couch, on top of his bike, and has yet to climb a tree. 

This is what I thought about as I lied there in my bed having my pity party unable to turn my head while my sweet little boy looked after me. I don’t do helpless and sick very well, I don’t suppose any of us does. I just wish for my Mom to look after me like she did so long ago. But time has passed on and with it her life has too so I end up wistfully missing her and her tender loving care. 

Childhood triggers fill my mind with memories of good days and bad. Songs, games, and old friendships that were so important to me. I think of that old red house that reminded me of a barn on a farm. With the big heater with the stove pipe in the middle of the room. I think of the many hours spent there on my beloved Mama’s lap as she rocked me holding me tightly in her arms. I wish I could go back there for another day feeling that loves and cherished. Instead I lie here in my bed stiff and sore cuddling my child. Who will grow up and have these memories of special times with his Mom. 

This brings to mind a poem to fill my wistful grieving heart. 

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.


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Jeanine Lebsack

Writer, research assistant, podcaster, reiki healer, and a passionate advocate for neurodiversity. On my writing journey I’ve discovered a plethora of passions including writing, researching, entertaining through song and dance, with a desire to explore and create something transformational and healing. I believe in the sacred art of storytelling and that there’s power in the written and spoken word. Join me on my journey using the magic of words, music, and heart song. I believe we create ripples of energy that flow throughout the universe and by sharing our stories it creates change, positivity, and healing. Have a listen to my podcast on Spotify and Anchor at House of a Writer.

14 thoughts on “Monday Musings-Triggers of the Past

  • 7 January 2016 at 4:58 pm

    I find nothing takes me back quite as quickly as a smell or some music, however, there are certain place I walk around near where my mother lives and I remember these areas and times I was there as a young lad as if they were only yesterday.I especially recall one path that I cannot walk up without thinking of a girl I used to date.
    Very strange how the brain works….

    • 7 January 2016 at 5:15 pm

      It truly is fascinating what memories our brain’s will hold and what will trigger them. I once followed a man around a mall because of the way he smelled. He was wearing the same aftershave as my Dad did. I felt so strange doing that but I told him my Dad had died and I took that as a sign from him. The stranger was quite nice about it considering I was stalking him. ?

  • 7 January 2016 at 6:54 pm

    I scared my mother that much a number of times, though not by falling out of a tree. Memory is such a odd beast, rooting about in its own accumulations and going, “Aha,look here what I found!” I like the image of a child exploring boxes and old trunks in a dusty attic. Thanks for sharing this and I hope your neck feels better soon.

    • 7 January 2016 at 9:11 pm

      Thank you Bob, memories are precious and it’s quite amazing about what we hold onto. My mind has been doing that a lot lately just tripping back in time empty dusty trunks of things long gone but not forgotten. It looks like I’ll be spending a lot of time at the chiropractor. My rusty joints need some grease to get back to functionality. It sucks getting older. ?

  • 8 January 2016 at 2:15 am

    Beautiful ❤

    I, too, wish I could have just one more hug and kiss from my mom. I miss her….

    • 9 January 2016 at 4:37 am

      Awe Diana thank you for reading and sharing that. ❤️

  • 9 January 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Catching a snake instead of the branch! That would definitely knock anyone down! Hope you are well now. 🙂

    • 9 January 2016 at 6:35 pm

      It was a scary experience to say the least! I’m in recovering from my injury and getting well acquainted with my chiropractors bench. A few more appointments and I’ll be functioning again. ?


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