I’ve been living the life of a gambler. I’ve been running on empty for a long time thinking that I can continue this way. I’ve been going on whiffs of exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Reacting strongly with my emotions and easy trigger finger of blame. I have spent more time looking at a bottom of a wine bottle with only tears and rambling writings to show for it. I have spent nights in overwhelming valley and vacationed at heartbreak hotel. I’ve given my power away only to feel like a shell of my former self.
I have decided enough is enough since my crazy train has run off the rails. I’m taking a gamble on myself and putting myself on my list of priorities. Self care will be my goal each and everyday. I will exercise to walk, run, move my body to feel good. I will get more rest, even if it’s not a lot of sleep. I will find a routine that works for me. I will have fun again as me not just Mom. Where I can laugh, love, find my hobbies that make me happy. I will be with others who share these common interests. I will begin to create again to draw, paint, scrapbook, and craft with my kids and on my own. Art is the way to my heart’s inspiration, love, and light.
Eating well and maintaining a balanced diet of healthy foods will feed my body and nourish my mind. I will be kind to myself, by putting myself first, seeking guidance from my family and friends, and counselling from my therapist. I will get outside and explore my new town and surroundings. I will bask in the fresh air and the sunshine, and get my hands back in the dirt with my love of gardening. I will seek daily ways to relax, not just when the stress is choking me physically and emotionally. I will not gamble with my health and happiness again. I deserve to be fully, completely, safe and comfortable in my skin.
I will participate in my yoga practice, keeping mindful with my deep breathing and my temper. I will put my deepest thoughts that aren’t meant to be published in my journal. I will read to fill my mind with beautiful words, my heart with the longing to write my own words to inspire, and my soul with the love of making those chapters part of my being. And when the world is too much for me to handle I will sink into my loves arms and find my solace and believe in myself again. I vow to make my self care an integral part of me that it won’t be a chore, a list of demands to meet, it will be my gift to me.
This has been my submission to More Than Cheese and Beer please check out her anonymous Sunday confessions and all the talent who link up. Thank you. ❤️
16 thoughts on “Gamble”
Kudos to you Jeanine with loads of cyber support and cyber hugs from me
Aww thank you Mike, I really appreciate it. ?❤️?
My darling friend, I’m so glad you’ve taken stock in what is important for living a peaceful life in amongst a hectic life. I believe you’ve found the correct ticket to soar toward the shining star, which is your loving heart that lights up the day and nights for most who are so grateful to read your words. It’s like on an airplane when you’re given directions if you need to use the drop down oxygen, place the life sustaining oxygen mask over your face FIRST, then to your loved ones, because if you can’t breath how can you help them?.. I have all the faith in my heart you will rally to where you need to be, and become at peace with your days, and nights.. I am proud of the path you’re seeking and know you will master this life and find peace and happiness… My gardens name is Happiness… and I’ve been given a lesson through a hard life to find where it lives… hugs to you my dear… I have faith in you… <3
Take care and happy days to you, from Laura… ~ Dance onward 🙂
Oh my dearest Laura, to read your words when I wake up in the morning is a delight to my heart! That’s exactly it, I’ve been riding the plane, but when things get bumpy I make sure everyone else is ok first. It’s what I’ve learned from my own beloved Mama, and she learned from hers. But years of that has left me feeling lonely and overwhelmed. I will be determined to not let myself burn out as the result. I’ve made a plan and I’m sticking with it in order to accomplish my goals. Thank you for your kindness, support, and understanding as a fellow Mom. I will take a great lesson from your garden of happiness. Thank you for having faith in me, it helps when I struggle to have faith in myself. Love and hugs sent your way always. ?
This is personal, profound, and powerful. I admire you so much for the courage you have to share this and be vulnerable. You are not alone. It is something many of us face, exhaustion and sleep deprivation. And why after trying to get to sleep, I finally got up up to read some blogs, and I read yours.
This is so well written. May your words not only help you, but also reach out to others.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Oh Carl, thank you so much! When I proofread it I could see my vulnerability. Which almost made me not hit publish, but I thought about what you wrote about here. Maybe it would help someone and be a source of inspiration. I’m glad my words found you in the dark of night. ?
You’re very welcome. ?
It is always a wonderful investment to be kind to yourself. You deserve it ❤
Thank you darling. ??
SELF CARE. omg. it’s like a dirty word in society. right on sistah. I’m right there with you!
Isn’t it though?! I had to really let myself know that it was ok to feed myself first of my son was upset about no shreddies and throwing his rice crispies. I had to put myself on my list because I was watching the fun me fade away. I’m so happy you’re taking care of yourself to sista. ❤️
U too!! xo
Thank you I feel so much of a better me since I started ??
Good for you! Take care of you and everything else will fall into place. xx
Thank you so my hon! It’s been a journey and half. It’s well worth it when I take care of myself just as much as I take care of others. ?❤️