House of A Writer

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️

To the woman who judged me #mommitment 

on 15 April 2015

To the Mother who judged me, I lay awake thinking of what you said. How you blurted out your casual comment not knowing it was like a serrated knife to my heart. Or maybe you did know that and didn’t care. It felt like you had an agenda the first time you laid eyes on me. We were on a busy commuter bus, going to the same destination; and I thought I’ll never see you again. But I asked you to back off and you didn’t. This is me wearing my heart on my sleeve and pouring out my pain in that moment. 

The Judgement Bus

How can you sit there and judge me? 

While people just stop and stare. 
I’m shocked by what you said to me. 
I didn’t ask you to share. 
You don’t know me or my child, or what’s his story. 
You just spouted off your ignorance and didn’t even say sorry. 
I was staring at the smugness on your face. 
I said he has autism and his meltdown I wanted to erase. 
I didn’t know what to say as my hot tears stung my eyes. 
I could see you watching my child with disgust, which was no surprise. 
I’ve seen people like you where I have to hold my anger inside. 
Buckle up son, it’s the judgment bus coming through. 
And it’s going to be a bumpy ride. 
I won’t let them see that one shining tear. 
As I could fill an ocean of denial.  Sadness lives here. 

As I look back and read this poem, tears are streaming down my face. I recently became a proud member of The Mommitment Movement, dedicated to putting an end to “Mom Wars.” Its mission is to promote love, acceptance, and kindness instead of judgment. 

I’m adopting the motto, ‘I won’t judge you as a Mom, so please don’t judge me.’ We all came into this world the same way, with a beautiful newborn baby – without an instruction manual. The experience I had on the bus made me realize how much I have to reinforce this positive message in my life. I immediately wanted to hurt her like she hurt me and my pride. My son wasn’t even bothered; just happy to have a seat, and to watch life out the window.  I won’t change my thinking, my thin skin, or the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I will abide by this code in my backyard, while I tend to the flowers I’m growing. I’ll respect your right to tend to your flowers however you see fit. 

After the bus incident, I’m more committed to Mommitment than ever. I can’t change the world around me. I can’t make people accept my son and his special needs. But this is Autism Awareness month, and I can help change his world by spreading more awareness, education, and understanding. Having the force of the proud and powerful Mommitment movement along with a parenting support network behind me, I finally don’t feel so alone on this journey. 

To learn more about this game changing campaign, please read the post that started it all.   

And here you can sign the pledge and be part of Mommittment. ❤️

Next Life, NO Kids

38 Responses to “To the woman who judged me #mommitment ”

  1. markbialczak says:

    Perfect reaction for you, JMom. I hope you make a dent in the judgments. Best to you and your son.

  2. 80smetalman says:

    Very moving poem Jeanine. It beggars belief how some people can still be so ignorant today.

    • jsackmom says:

      Thank you Mike!!! Yes at first I didn’t know that she was talking to me. Then she looked at my son and started wagging her finger at me!!! In all honesty I was glad my family was with me. It kept my rage at her insolence contained.

  3. I am so sorry this happened to you and your gorgeous boy. There is no job harder than that which you do as a mom and a mother of a child with special needs. Bless you and damned is any who should pass judgement. Let not their ignorance dim the beautiful smile on you or your child’s face. Much ? and the best part is they have to live with themselves and we get to walk away.

    • jsackmom says:

      Oh my thank you for your beautiful words of comfort and encouragement. I know now I’m better for not engaging in a argument with her. But Mama bear can do more by spreading awareness for my son and for all others who don’t have a voice. ?

  4. Ameena k.g says:

    A heartfelt and moving poem. It really is sad how we judge and speak without remorse.

    • jsackmom says:

      Thank you Ameena I really appreciate you reading. I cried bitterly over it for days then this poem came out of me. I knew then I could gain some strength from the experience instead of rage and bitterness. ❤️

  5. whitneymaeve says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart so openly. Beautiful. <3

  6. You have inspired me to be committed to Mommitment too! TSM 🙂

  7. Oh my dear, I am so sorry to hear about the person who thought their opinion mattered, and felt the need to utter hurtful words. Perhaps, my dear she was jealous of you… ? She rode the bus, same as you and your beautiful son, and felt jealous after seeing the glow of love on your face, shinning out with the amount of love that’s in your heart for your child…. perhaps, she wished she could be as loving a mother as you…. just perhaps she was jealous…

    Never allow others to change who you are, and I can see you haven’t given in to that.. I’m for One Very Proud of You ~ Love, from Laura <3

    Turn that music up loud, and dance… <3

    • jsackmom says:

      Oh Laura you always know what I need to read, see, and absorb into my memory. Thank you for the wonderful take on the situation. She seemed far more miserable than me. My family was so excited and wrapped up in that happiness on our way to a fun surprise. I’m sure we radiated that love with our smiles and affection. Her wet blanket dulled us for mere moments, and yes I would wish to have that if the shoe was on the other foot. I’ll be doing lots of dancing as soon as my back heals. Thank you hon, for your beautiful kind heart. ?

  8. Laurie Free says:

    I’m so sorry you went through this ordeal. People can be so cruel..thank you for your honesty ..and being so open about it. Judgement stings… more than people know

    • jsackmom says:

      Thank you honey, the shock of the moment still resonates with me. I do my best to not let my mind go there. But when it does I say a little prayer to just keep rising to the top, so the judgement falls down and I can just walk over it. It’s much better for my psyche and my commitment to Mommitment. ❤️

  9. It’s easier for some people to just pass judgement without taking the time to become knowledgeable about conditions like autism. I’m so sorry that you and other parents have had to experience this.

    • jsackmom says:

      It seems to be easier to judge books by their covers. And really it should be about opening up the pages and reading them. Thank you for your kindness and support. ?

  10. Diane Cherney says:

    I just love the words that come from your heart Jeanine:) Your poem is beautiful:)

    • jsackmom says:

      Oh Diane, thank you so much for reading and saying so. ? It was a difficult one to write because I let this event bother me for a few days. Eventually I purged the negativity and this poem was the result. ❤️

  11. Lizzi says:

    Glad I read this. NOT glad about what that woman did to you (HOW DARE SHE!) but love that you’re part of such an awesome movement.

    And I’m thankful I’m not eligible to join, because I’m FAR too judgy when it comes to things like kids being spoiled, yelled at in public, or smoked near/on. I’m pretty sure I’d fail at the non-judginess after about 20 seconds.

  12. I always want to build people up. Glad to be just visiting your blog It’s a great topic

    • jsackmom says:

      Thank you so much for reading and sharing such a important message! We all should be grateful and building each other up. Come and see me at Mommitment ❤️

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