Present

It is a gift to stay in the present. My mind tends to wander to the what if scenarios in life. What if I sleep in and my son’s late for school, what if I stay up late and sabotage my tomorrow, what if I really stopped caring what people thought about me and my parenting. Staying in the present is something I’ve struggled with all my life. I was the empathic child that worried about everything. Than I became worried about my worrying. I could see and feel the thoughts that weren’t being said. And that made it difficult for me as I believed the truth even when it wasn’t being spoken. So many times I remember hearing “don’t worry your pretty little head about it!” Well if I had stayed in the present I wouldn’t need to be reminded of that. What does going against the grain of living outside the present give me? What’s my payoff? Am I treated better or worse, or is it just a way of life for me that feels like home? Questions and questions till the end of time plague my mind. I’ve realized that those beautiful present moments are the most precious ones I’ll ever have. Love and hugs from my children, smiles and laughter from my friends, and that soft tender embrace while I’m crying in my dear husbands arms. I recently received some upsetting news concerning my health. As hard as it was I had to stay in the present moment. I had to hear what the optometrist was telling me, take her advice, be proactive and get the tests done. I had to hold myself together and not cry in front of my son, while I was being told not to worry. As much as I wanted to pack a bag and run away I stood strong and faced my fear. I have no control over this health condition, genetics are what they are, and realizing that in the present will help make my future better. So will I always worry, well that’s like l asking if the sun will come out tomorrow. I will be proactive and deal with the things I can control, and let go of the things I can’t. I will give myself that grace, opportunity, to self reflect and decide what’s really a future worry or a present moment. I owe that to myself, my family, and my friends to not be what iffing myself into a constant state of anxiety and agitation. So now I take a deep breath in and exhale the fear and inhale the truth. Very wise and wonderful advice from my dear friend Amber. And the more time I spend in the present, the more in control of my destiny I am. So I will give myself that beautiful gift of presence, power, and positivity in the present.

This has been my submission to the lovely http://lindaghill.com for Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness who’s presently on vacation. The prompt was the word present, chosen by her friend Helen. Check out hers and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. ?