House of A Writer

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️


on 17 November 2014

I have been quickly trying to figure out my life’s dilemmas. How to stop my big boys nightmares he’s suffering from due to being bullied at school. And how to get my sleep deprived little boy more restful sleep. I’m functioning in a “Mombie” state myself, but it’s a part of my daily routine I don’t even think of it much. I joke around and say my son never got the memo as a baby, he was supposed to sleep through the night after a month old. What the most difficult is being so exhausted that I’m quick to anger. And that leaves me and the ones I love feeling vulnerable. To my wrath, my tears, my laments of please forgive me’s. I know how bad it is to lose my temper. And I’m always making amends for my behavior. I spend lots of late nights researching of ways to help my children and myself. I’ve been doing this Deepak and Oprah meditation series which brings me the calm I need in a given chaotic day. For which I’m grateful yet it’s not giving me the restful sleep I need. Which leads me to the quick assumption am I sabotaging myself by my constant anxiousness and overthinking? I’m a philosophical soul who’s introspective nature, can leave my head riddled with questions. I think my poor body says to my brain “ok I give up, you win, I’ll talk to the central nervous system and get her moving in the morning.” And I’ll lay here and look like I’m letting her relax, and you take over the party going on in her head. And get those muscles to relax and rebuild so she’s not a mess of bones on the floor!” You see why I can’t sleep I’m so quick to think up things to entertain myself? At this point in my life I either laugh or cry. I’d rather laugh and convulse into feel good giggles, after a good tickle fest with my kids. They are amazing little loves who are so quick to forgive me when my impatience rears it’s ugly head. I’m always a work in progress, as I believe we all can be at times. How can we not be with the craziness of the world we live in? Being empathic can be a really life long uphill struggle, as I tend to feel things on a much deeper level than the average joe. So I’m always looking for a quick fix, to ground and balance myself so I don’t fly off into a tizzy. Yes, medication helps but leaves me feeling almost disjointed in my bubble of calm. I prefer to make up a quick remedy of essential oils, clean nutrition, vitamins and a little wine to balance it out. I will be the first to say I love hard, play hard, and beat myself up hard for simply being human. My family knows that they are my breath of life, my elixir I drink up to fill the gaping holes in my heart and psyche. I’m learning to not be so quick to react with impulsive anger, and let the sins of my childhood not continually play in my mind. I have to learn to be quick to forgive myself for my wrong doings and not beat myself to an emotional pulp. There’s too many people in the world that will do that for me, with no questions asked. So my life has been full of quick friendships, with all the moving I’ve done in my life. My hope is I’ll find some sustaining friends so I don’t feel so lonely. It surprises and saddens me that I’ve been quick to judge groups of people in conversation, because I’ve wanted that so badly in my life. I need to be patient and let life unfold how it should. Than being so quick to bypass people that I think wouldn’t have anything to do with me. That’s the issue I struggle with as I work through my growing pains and find that friendship that’s meant to be. So I’m slowing down, pacing myself, and going with the flow. Because really Rome wasn’t built in a day.

This has been my Sunday confession brought to you by the amazing Ash at Check out her confessions and all the brave bloggers that link up. Big hugs to you. ❤️

20 Responses to “Quick”

  1. I hope you have some kind of support system. I think a parents group would be good. It sounds to me like you are in a very tough situation. It is so hard when anything bad happens with our kids. Hope you are able to get some rest. I know too that really helps with coping.

    • jsackmom says:

      Thank you Deborah, I am looking into a parenting group for myself and I also attend one with my youngest. We’ve had a hiatus due to sickness but we’ll be back this week. ?

  2. sounds like you are guilty of being human 🙂 Hang in there

  3. himnmeinbed says:

    have you put your boys in karate or tae kwon do or jujitsu? Jujitsu helped my daughter out tremendously after being diagnosed with epilepsy and seizing in class she was bullied and had night tremors. After Jujitsu her confidence spiked and little by little the nightmares and tremors went away. Dancing did it for my other kid. Good luck, hope you get some real rest

  4. Green Bee says:

    I hear you sister and I’m feeling rather emotional reading this. This is very close to the bone for me but so reassuring that on the other side of the Atlantic you are experiencing the same issues and we are not alone. Here’s to never giving up despite the struggles!

    • jsackmom says:

      Oh that makes me feel such a kindredness with you as well sister! Thank you for reading and your support. It was a tough blog to write, but when it’s in print there’s accountability. And when we know better, we do better (quote from my favorite Maya Angelou) ?❤️

  5. ricodilello says:

    My wife helped me financially by looking after two of our neighbours kids as well as our two young children. To keep her sanity she took some night school courses, two nights a week. She needed some adult time. The bonus for me was that I had some extra bounding time with my kids and a better understanding of my wife’s daily struggles.

    • jsackmom says:

      That’s so wonderful you were able to help your wife way in that way Rico. Adult time truly is a lifesaver! Letting her have that benefitted your whole family. What a great family contribution from you both. ?

  6. 80smetalman says:

    My question is where do you get the strength from? I wish there was some way to force your post under the noses of all those parents who just want to laze in front of the TV all day and not give a stuff about what their children are doing. You deserve a medal and here’s a cyber hug from me.

    • jsackmom says:

      Aww thank you Michael, I think the strength comes with how I was raised. My parents in a lot of ways, didn’t have an easy life. So I play the hand that I’m dealt, and become better at the game of life. My Dad always said keep on trucking, no matter what. I’m feeling that hug all the way over here in chilly Canada. ?❤️?

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