I’m an able minded and able bodied person. I have abilities to problem solve and work out solutions. When I was in the workforce it was one of my greatest assets. I love to be thorough and research and I always have some kind of project going on. I’m very good behind the scenes about getting things done. What people don’t see behind this able bodied exterior, is the massive complex of anxiety I have. I tend to over think, over analyze, and work myself into a panic attack. My goal for this year was to feel the fear and do it anyway. So that’s what I’ve been doing, I’ve taken my kids on new adventures this summer with that “can do” attitude and even amazed myself. To most this might not sound or read like its a big deal, but to me it’s like climbing Mount Everest!!! I’m proud of these accomplishments, and glad that I could show my son’s that I can overcome this anxiety, I call the dragon within. I’ve always had that motto in life “to fake it, till I make it!” There are times when I’m literally shaking in my boots, but I stand tall and appear stoic. My beloved Mama always used to say be scared but never show it. And she was the bravest woman I’ve ever known. Married at 22, became a Mom at 23, then followed by 3 more children in quick succession. My dear Dad was a logger and he worked in some interesting places. So there was my Mom carving out a home life while living in these camps, in a little trailer in the woods. Four little children, no friends, no family, and my Dad working 16 + hour days. My Mom taught me what it was to be capable and able. My Dad taught me what it was to have strength, work ethic, and values. They both taught me to be able, to find my passion, to keep my head on my shoulders, and my feet on the ground. Together they created 6 able bodied and able minded children that have all had or trials and tribulations in life. We have made it out life’s goal to honour our living parents memory, and pass those values onto our own children. My parents came from very strong and able roots. My Grandparents on both sides of my family survived the Depression, World War 2, and many hardships with my Mom’s Dad away at war. I don’t have a choice but to be strong and able. Over the last week I’ve been meditating with Deepak and Oprah and learning about the energy of attraction. Each day I spend some quiet time learning how to start manifesting the life I want. Today’s lesson was about focusing on my deepest desires. I thought about the things I’m passionate about, that bring me joy, and thought all I want is to feel complete. And then I read this affirmation,
my deepest desire is for completeness.
“In the desire of the One to know Himself, we exist.” — Rumi
So here I am perfectly imperfect and working on having my inner self match my outer self. In each way, every day I’m getting better, better, and better, and more able to rise up and conquer my fears.
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*Image used with permission from www.sharingwithshari.com