I am Machine

I am machine, I wish I could feel something.
I am machine I sleep with my eyes wide open.
I am machine I wish I could fix what’s broken.
I am machine I wish I could feel something.
I hear these words pounding out of my radio and I’m transfixed by their sounds, their lyrical brilliance, and remarkable timing. I just finished saying to my Captain today I am a machine. As I crawled out of bed with 4 hours of sleep and waking up to find one of two kids in my bed. My throat was scratchy, my eyes blurry from lack of restful sleep, and my body achy from what I suspect is the flu. Captain says “what’s wrong Mom?” I reply “I think I’m sick.” He responds “ok I’ll get Dad to take me to school. I said “No he has to go to work. It’s ok I’m a machine I’ll take you.”

I do survive on little sleep, live a busy life, and suffer from anxiety. At some point in my days I have raging, anxious, emotions to deal with one or sometimes both of my sons. Yet here I am day after day doing the hard stuff, fun stuff, and the not so fun stuff. Because I’m a machine and it has to get done. Appointments with teachers, school staff, Dr’s and hockey fill up my calendar. The house needs cleaning, laundry needs folding, and this machine Mama needs a nap or a sick day. We know that’s not going to happen-ever. This isn’t a blog to whine or start a pity party. It simply states that parents don’t get sick days, more like minutes to pop a pill, chug some cough syrup, grab the Visine drops and go. No matter how tired, stressed, or sick I am life carries on even if I have to push myself through it. And when my body aches with the virus invading my system or my old back injury, I just pop some vitamins and keep on trucking (as my Dad used to say.) I think our bodies cry out when they’re overloaded sensory wise, chemically, emotionally and physically suffering. It shows in our skin, nutrition, sleeping patterns, ability to handle stress, and pain intolerance. I spend so much time regulating my kids that I get lost in the process. I comfort myself to know I’m doing all I can to help them, in a world that’s too busy, bright, harsh, and loud for them. I believe we are all Mama (and Papa) warriors who will break down walls, barriers, and intolerances to make our kids safe, happy, and healthy. So listening to this song from Three days Grace has me spellbound as I slowly and hypnotically move to the beat of the music. As I pour out all my stress, angst, and fears into every heart shattering lyric, and lose myself in this beautiful sensory experience. And nothing else on earth exists for these 3.5 minutes, just me the Mom machine. I’m lost in the rhythm of the music and I think to myself thank you, for writing this song with these powerful lyrics because finally someone gets it.

I found this prompt on http://inspiringmax.com Run or walk to your nearest music playing device and turn it on. Select a lyric from the first song you hear. Use that lyric into a piece of writing (fiction, non-fiction, poem, letter etc.) The twist work the name of the artist into your writing as well.

Jeanine Lebsack

Writer, research assistant, podcaster, reiki healer, and a passionate advocate for neurodiversity. On my writing journey I’ve discovered a plethora of passions including writing, researching, entertaining through song and dance, with a desire to explore and create something transformational and healing. I believe in the sacred art of storytelling and that there’s power in the written and spoken word. Join me on my journey using the magic of words, music, and heart song. I believe we create ripples of energy that flow throughout the universe and by sharing our stories it creates change, positivity, and healing. Have a listen to my podcast on Spotify and Anchor at House of a Writer.

8 thoughts on “I am Machine

    • 7 November 2014 at 4:41 am

      Thank you Mira, it was bubbling up inside me and waiting to come out ?

  • 7 November 2014 at 5:52 pm

    What a lovely post today, but not happy to hear you’re getting sick. Always remember & never forget to take care of yourself, first. You are the cement foundation, which keeps the family unit operating as if it is a miracle. Perhaps, mothers do work little miracles every day with the help of the many blessings we receive. Take care & Happy blogging (Dancing) 🙂

    • 7 November 2014 at 6:46 pm

      Thank you my sweet friend. Yes I’ve ran my body down and burnt myself out. I’m a little better today, for that I’m grateful. Nothing a happy dance, meditation, and a nap can’t cure. ???

  • 8 November 2014 at 11:05 pm

    I think we all feel like a Machine at times jsackmom that is why we need to take time out for ourselves and enjoy life too, we have so much beauty in Creation and the Talents we have been given when developed, can bring much happiness when we share them.

    I appreciate honesty very much jsackmom in sharing our ups and downs, so thank you, of course I don’t like things that are best left unsaid and so I am considerate of those whom they may offend, having the right to be ourselves does not mean we walk over other peoples feelings or violate their rights and only the foolish will not accept good advice and needed correction.

    Christian Love – Anne

    • 8 November 2014 at 11:20 pm

      I appreciate honesty too. And I’m the first person to consider others feelings. If you take a little journey into my blog world, it will explain why I am a machine.


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