Memory

I have a poor memory, it’s not something I like to admit but there it is. It’s not that I’ve always struggled with this, it was something that just happened. I had a photographic memory for phone numbers, birth dates, and numerology. I could relay people’s phone #’s addresses, and list their favorite movie titles when I was a video cashier. Then the day I became a Mom and I was gutted like a fish, and my babies entered the world there went my memory. I read everyday whether it’s book’s, blogs, research, or my Facebook newsfeed. I read to absorb, learn, and grow as a person. I wonder what would have happened to me, if I had regained my once amazing memory. If I hadn’t suffered 5 years of debilitating grief would my ability to retain information be different? I don’t really know, and that’s the first time I’ve ever asked that question of myself…. I rely on my memories of my loved ones I lost, to keep me buoyant on the troubled seas of life. I rely on searching my memory bank and pulling out those moments of my Dad’s laughter, my Mom’s beautiful singing voice, and my Gram and Grandpa saying my nickname. I love to travel back in my memory to the loving Irish lilt spoken by my Great Aunts and my Gram in conversation over tea and scones. It’s my memories that I preserve in scrapbooks, photo albums, and on my camera roll that sustain and give me joy. If I didn’t have my memories I’d have nothing. We all need to store important information, thoughts, and pictures in our minds memory. It’s the very thing that gives up pure happiness, comfort in times of sadness, and the security of knowing just how loved we are. I am always testing my memory by walking into a room, and wondering why the hell I’m there, and what did I need to find. I tease myself and ask my son if I’ve locked my truck when we’re going grocery shopping. He always answers “yes Mom, did you hear the beep?” Will I always have a poor memory? I don’t know, I sure hope not, as I struggle with sleep deprivation and exhaustion. And unfortunately this is one of the most common side affects. And as I slowly change my diet I’m hoping to be lifted out of this brain fog I’ve been in. In order to keep my memory from failing I will read, write, learn, and forgive myself for the things I’ve forgotten. I’ll love the memories that I’ve been able to hang onto, and will cherish them and hold them close to my heart. It’s what my loved ones deserve, and all those moments in time that were once so special to me. And I will create new and beautiful memories with my family and friends. I will make this my upmost priority before they all fade away like moonbeams in the moonlight.

This has been my submission to http://LindaGHill.com for Stream of Consciousness Saturday. The prompt was memory, please checkout what she wrote about, and all the other talent that linked up. Thank you for letting me relive some wonderful memories. ❤️