Satisfied

I have lived a life of regrets and have had moments of satisfaction. But I’m always reaching and grasping for more. Whether that’s information, emotions or relationships. I’m rarely satisfied because I know, and feel, there’s more that’s not being said and I dig until I come up with the answer. Some people get uncomfortable and it’s hard for me to explain to them why I’m so compelled to do so. For me there’s a satisfaction in knowing the truth. The whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And as Jack Nicholson’s character in the movie A Few Good Men says “you can’t handle the truth!” I’m just one of those people that can, as rare as that is. I can always tell when there’s a lie being hidden as I can “read” people. And if the tables are turned and I’m the one that’s “read” it’s such a strange feeling. My Dad always said I missed my calling as a lawyer. Because I love to argue, and I was never satisfied with half truths. My Dad was good with “weird” and my response was “but Dad, I can see there’s more truth to be told!” Never satisfied, always researching, finding new ways to fix old problems, and never taking no for an answer. Yes all of those things describe me, some may call me stubborn but I prefer tenacious. Some may call me insatiable but I prefer curious. I believe I was put on this earth to be a truth seeker. To walk the path that’s rarely taken, to look for light through a dark tunnel. If I hadn’t been dissatisfied I wouldn’t have found the best specialist to help my son. If I had not pushed to have him assessed at a young age I wouldn’t have a SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) diagnosis. If I had just given up when he was 18 months and my Dr said he’s just being a toddler and picky. I wouldn’t have known of his food aversions. If I would’ve just accepted he was testing his boundaries as he walked into walls and jumped off of bookshelves, and crashed to the ground with a silly smile on his face. I wouldn’t have known that he was seeking sensory input to regulate his central nervous system. And if I would’ve just accepted in the NICU that Dr’s and nurses poking and prodding him, and wanting to g-tube him, because he was jaundiced and sleepy was ok. Instead I fought with all my might, Mama Bear style to protect him, and let ME his Mom help him. I wouldn’t have this tough, tornado, loving boy. And if I had chosen to just believe my son is sensitive and all premature babies are programmed this way. I wouldn’t be able to try to see the world through his eyes. If I was satisfied that the school would look after my oldest son, and there was no need to ruffle feathers about bullying. He would be suffering depression, fear, and feeling unloved and unwanted. There’s a lot of satisfaction to knowing I’m a woman of my word. And my Dad taught me my word is my bond, had I not believed that then I wouldn’t have the amazing support network I’ve created. So if you need to research something dig, if you have questions ask, if you feel misunderstood clarify, and if you feel unheard state your intentions. Trust me there’s nothing worse than settling to being just satisfied by the status quo of life. There is a joy and profoundness, in finding what leaves you happy, satisfied, and comfortable in your own skin. I will set out on that uncharted frontier and search for the truth. And find the answers that people, places, and things can hide so carefully. Because I’m rarely satisfied, and that’s a good thing, and a fact I wear proudly.

Today’s Sunday confession is brought to you by the talented Ash at www.morethancheeseandbeer.com. The prompt was satisfied, check out what she has to say and all the other talent that link up. Thank you. ?

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*Picture used with permission from* http://bravegirlsclub.com

Jeanine Lebsack

Writer, research assistant, podcaster, reiki healer, and a passionate advocate for neurodiversity. On my writing journey I’ve discovered a plethora of passions including writing, researching, entertaining through song and dance, with a desire to explore and create something transformational and healing. I believe in the sacred art of storytelling and that there’s power in the written and spoken word. Join me on my journey using the magic of words, music, and heart song. I believe we create ripples of energy that flow throughout the universe and by sharing our stories it creates change, positivity, and healing. Have a listen to my podcast on Spotify and Anchor at House of a Writer.

22 thoughts on “Satisfied

  • 26 October 2014 at 11:46 pm
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    You are an incredible advocate and role model for your children – it’s not always easy to stand up for what you believe in. Have an amazing week!

    Reply
    • 27 October 2014 at 1:26 am
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      Oh Jen thank you for the amazing compliment!!! It’s not easu but it’s all I know. I’m glad my parents raised me with a strong voice and heart. ❤️

      Reply
  • 27 October 2014 at 1:56 am
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    Your hard work of researching, standing up for your babies, trusting that gut feeling, and searching for the truth as well as sharing the truth is what gives you a feeling of true satisfaction.

    As always, I’m in awe of you sweet but strong heart!

    ❤

    Reply
    • 27 October 2014 at 2:05 am
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      Thank you so much hon. ?And yes I totally agree that is true satisfaction, knowing my kids know I have their back always. I’m humbled by such a beautiful compliment. Thank you. ?

      Reply
        • 28 October 2014 at 7:54 pm
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          For me it’s a simple way of life. Truth is always revealed, even in the deepest pit of lies! I’m so glad we share that belief. ?

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          • 28 October 2014 at 8:42 pm
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            Yes I agree, those are people that are hard for me to be around.

          • 28 October 2014 at 8:45 pm
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            That is what I am going through also. Now, I understand why I can connect and close to some of my friends. I feel that the sayings of “Birds of a flock flocks together” is true 😛

          • 28 October 2014 at 8:52 pm
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            It really is true, I have a few birds in my flock. It’s a blessing as these friends are my sisters of the heart. ❤️

          • 28 October 2014 at 9:15 pm
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            A true gift of a friendship is someone who gets you from sunrise to sunset. ?

  • 28 October 2014 at 2:16 pm
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    You all give me such wonderful things to think about sometimes. I love different perspectives. Thank you so much!

    Reply
    • 28 October 2014 at 3:22 pm
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      You’re welcome Ash. You come up with great prompts that make me explore different ways to write. ?

      Reply
  • 8 November 2014 at 4:11 pm
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    I will immediately grab your rss feed as I can not find your email subscription link or enewsletter service. Do you’ve any? Please let me know in order that I could subscribe. Thanks. kdedadfbggff

    Reply
  • 20 November 2014 at 9:08 am
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    Hi John, I’m sorry I’m just seeing your comment, as it went into my spam folder. I have no idea why, but I digress I don’t know how to set up an email subscription. I will ask around and see what I can come up with. Thank you for reading my blog and following along on my journey. ?

    Reply
  • 23 August 2015 at 8:50 pm
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    Leave no stone unturned. We know. We just do. ? Your boys are blessed to have you??

    Reply

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