Through my Mamas eyes

I look in the mirror and I see my Mom’s face looking back at me. I have her kind, blue, shining eyes, her strong prominent nose, and her lovely lips that spoke the kindest words and covered my boos boos with her kisses. I look at her and want to dive into that mirror and live a thousand lifetimes with her again. Say all the words that were never spoken, ask all the questions I was afraid to ask, and hold her and never let her go. I talk to my Mom always, she knows my daily life, my passions, my cursing jags, and the tears I cry when I’m giving into my pain. She sees my smile and laughter when I’m playing with my precious sons. My acrobatic acts while playing Wii, my screams and giggles when wrestling with them on the floor, and the loving prayers we say at night. She knows their habits, their idiosyncrasies that make them so special and unique. And I know she’s there watching always and cheering them on in their victories. By giving them ethereal hugs and high fives, and always her love and pride. I know she holds me through my sadness, picks me up when I’ve fallen down, and chastises me for how much I drink. ? It’s the things that make me thing that she’s not really gone. And when I’m feeling pure abundant joy she’s there dancing with me, singing silly songs with my kids, and feeling my heart grow with love for them everyday. I see her, I hear her, and I feel her nearby. She’s never far from my thoughts, my heart, or my soul. She bathes me in her kindness, compassion, and strength. My Mom lets me know she’s there with angel messages, birds, butterflies, and music. I hear an Elvis song when I’m deep in thought and grief over her. I feel that love she has for me as I listen to the sweet, soft, melody of Love Me Tender sung so beautifully by her favourite idol. I feel comfort at these times knowing she’s always here with me. And she shares the love with my other siblings and their families. My Mom had the greatest capacity to love, she also could swear a blue streak when she wasn’t feeling in love with something or someone. She could reduce me to laughter in minutes when she’d get into one of her cursing tirades. She would look at me with fury in her eyes but a smile creeping into her lips. It was easy to love and laugh so easily with her. And difficult to stay angry for very long as we were so much alike. To Mom a bad day could be cured with a nice cup of tea, a pastry, laughter, and the gift of song. She was an enigma once you spent time with her you were changed forever. She had a gift of the gab, a flair for the dramatic, and a beautiful voice whether she was singing or speaking. I’d love to sing with her again like those carefree days and feel that power of music uplifting my soul. Instead I have to settle for looking in the mirror and have her smiling back at me. Love you Mama always and forever. ?

Image found on Facebook and shated here because I agree!

Jeanine Lebsack

Writer, research assistant, podcaster, reiki healer, and a passionate advocate for neurodiversity. On my writing journey I’ve discovered a plethora of passions including writing, researching, entertaining through song and dance, with a desire to explore and create something transformational and healing. I believe in the sacred art of storytelling and that there’s power in the written and spoken word. Join me on my journey using the magic of words, music, and heart song. I believe we create ripples of energy that flow throughout the universe and by sharing our stories it creates change, positivity, and healing. Have a listen to my podcast on Spotify and Anchor at House of a Writer.

4 thoughts on “Through my Mamas eyes

  • 19 October 2014 at 9:30 pm

    That brought me to tears. Its how i feel about my grandma, gone almost a whole year now. She fought to stay in my life & be the mother figure i lost when her daughter walked away after her divorce from my dad was final. I feel her everywhere, always with me, just as you feel your mama! Lots of love to you sis, you’re an angel in my life as your mama is in yours. <3

    • 19 October 2014 at 9:53 pm

      Aww thank you beautiful angel!!! Yes I believe even if they raised us or gave birth to who raised us, they are our shining stars that shine down love and pride on us from heaven. Im thankful for your beautiful, compassionate, heart in my life. ?

  • 20 October 2014 at 2:01 am

    What a lovely, heartfelt post about the love in your heart for your mother. Yes, indeed she is smiling down and I am sure so very proud of you too. I feel through your words here of her, I could with ease sit down at a table with her and share a cup of tea, spending the afternoon laughing about something simple. Thank you for sharing the love within your family with us. I feel truly blessed for sharing this moment in time with the memories of your mother. Take care .. hugs from Laura…

    • 20 October 2014 at 4:24 am

      Oh thank you Laura, my beloved Mama was a gift. She would welcome you into her home with a smile and a pot of tea. It was her Irish way and being her daughter it was a wonderful way to grow up. Thank you for reading and sharing a piece of my heart. I’m so touched by your compassion. ?


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