Here I am reaching out for help, for too long I’ve been doing and acting like I can do it on my own. But the sad truth is I can’t, I need to reach for more, better, resources so I can gain a level of patience and understanding again. If you’ve been following my blog (thank you for your support), you will know that my son has SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). For the past 8 months I’ve been going through a lot with trying to help him. I’ve gone through appointments, assessments, questionnaires, reading, and researching. And due to cost and availability I’ve been his occupational Mom therapist. I have him jump, roll, tumble, crash, get wrapped up, tight bear hugs, skin brushing, and joint compressions. We also walk daily everywhere and spend time at the playground. All of this has helped but regulating him has become a full time job. I’m not getting much else done as this takes up a majority of our day. We have lots of fun but there’s also days when all I want to do is cry. Sometimes I do, I retreat to my bathroom and cry and blog, and blog and cry. I don’t reach out very often for help, because I’ve been living with this facade for so long its become like “home” to me. It’s hard to take off my mask and look in the mirror and not like who I see. I want to see less baggage under my eyes from all my sleep deprived nights, I want to see my blue eyes twinkling with joy, instead of my forehead creased with worry wrinkles. I want to see a smile grinning ear to ear, instead of biting my lips with fear and anxiety. Most of all I want to reach that happy part of me as I see my beloved Mom’s face looking back at me. I’ve always been her younger selves twin, and as I get older I see myself as her adult copy. I want to reach into the mirror and pull her back out and cry in her arms. Parenting is hard some days, but parenting a child with special needs is even harder. I want my Mom to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me “don’t worry honey child, this too shall pass.” I want to reach out and hear my Dad’s laugh telling me I’m strong, tenacious, and the world doesn’t know who they’re dealing with. He always told me I missed my calling as a lawyer with how much I love to talk and argue. ? I want to reach these Dr’s and professionals to speed up my son’s paperwork from one province to the next. And light a fire under their asses to get it complete so I can move on with our next step. So I continue to advocate for my child to get the help he needs, therapies, professionals, and to be treated like a person than a case file. And I will work hard to reach him and find that joyful boy that giggles instead of the shrieking banshee he’s become, from being sensory overloaded. I will always fight for my children and reach deep into my heart for faith, love, and patience. Our happiness, peace, sanity, and well being depend on it. And I will began to reach that calm centre in myself that slows down and appreciates more magic around me. Then I’ll begin to see the world through my son’s eyes and realize that his SPD wonderland can be a special place to be.

Today’s Sunday confession is brought to by the amazing Ash of Reach out and check out her blog and all the fabulous bloggers that link up. And thank you for letting my blog reach you my dear readers. I’m honoured and humbled by your support. Thank you, smooches and

Jeanine Lebsack

Writer, research assistant, podcaster, reiki healer, and a passionate advocate for neurodiversity. On my writing journey I’ve discovered a plethora of passions including writing, researching, entertaining through song and dance, with a desire to explore and create something transformational and healing. I believe in the sacred art of storytelling and that there’s power in the written and spoken word. Join me on my journey using the magic of words, music, and heart song. I believe we create ripples of energy that flow throughout the universe and by sharing our stories it creates change, positivity, and healing. Have a listen to my podcast on Spotify and Anchor at House of a Writer.

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