My first love

Well here I am daydreaming after an a fun weekend and today’s topic is about a first love. I’ve actually wanted to write about him for awhile. He left a big impression on me in my childhood. Since I don’t use names in my blog (without permission) I’ll just call him Mr. S. He and I had a long history together as we met when we were 4 and ready to enter kindergarten. I wasn’t a girly girl until my teens (and discovering boys) so we were a good match. We’d play baseball, climb trees, make mud pies, and hang out in the sandbox. We attended kindergarten rode the bus, played, rode bikes, and were always together. He was what my Mom would call a dream boat, he had dark brown hair, and crystal blue eyes. Just like Elvis Presley my Mom’s idol who made her swoon. Mr. S had this incredible smile and a giggle that would give me butterflies in my tummy! He was the sun, the moon, and stars to me. Everyone in school knew he was mine and I was his, and my Mom would say we were like peas in a pod. In our kindergarten room we had a shiny linoleum floor, and when us kids would get into class we’d race. We would whip off our shoes and slide across the floor in our socks. Mr. S and I would always win those races, sliding together hand in hand smiling. As we we grew older he grew bolder, in his advances towards me. When I was only 12 the last thing on my mind was sex! So his interests went to other girls that he thought he could get more from. It was a different era then today, and the girls that I knew just didn’t go all the way! So his perpetual supply of testosterone was never satisfied. As much as his antics hurt my feelings, somehow he’d apologize and I’d forgive him. It didn’t matter what he did, he’d always find his way back to me. Mr. S was my first kiss, my first make out session, and my first heartbreak. My favourite times with him was when he’d take me out on his dirt bike and we’d go riding for hours. We’d sit on mountaintops and cuddle and talk about our dreams for the future. He was an only child so he always wanted to have a big family. I was the youngest of 6, so that’s what I wanted too. He knew what it was like to grow up lonely being the only one. I’d dream about our future kids and about the house we’d build for them on that mountain top. We entered high school with our dreams, and aspirations for life leading the way. It was grade 8 and a very abundant time of discovery so we joined our groups of friends and still remained a couple. Then one day it all changed and one boy started to bully me. One by one friends that I’d grown up with since kindergarten joined his ranks. And my beloved Mr. S was part of this gang. It broke my heart into a thousand pieces the first time he said something cruel to me. I was hurt, confused, and in shock because I had only known him to be kind and loving. ? Well when he wasn’t chasing other girls and making a fool of himself and me. That was the worst year of my life, and you can read more about it in my previous blogs, if you so wish. He did eventually apologize to me and would still want to hang out with me when the bullying gang wasn’t around. But my hurt ran deep, and my pride was even stronger and for once, overruled what my heart wanted. I’ll never forget the day my Dad took me to the houses of all those boys who bullied me. And when Mr. S came out to apologize to me he just mumbled how much he always liked me, he didn’t mean to hurt me, and we held each other and cried. That following September, I moved onto another school so I didn’t see him again until I was an adult. There I was with my boyfriend (my husband now) 21 and I was blonder, bolder, and stronger. We talked a little, but he just kept staring at me and telling me he couldn’t believe it was really me! I was taking my fitness training so I was looking damn fine, and I have to tell you it was the best revenge. ? He tried to talk about the past but I wouldn’t let him. I told him I’m happy, in love, and NO ONE would ever make me think less of myself again!!! Mr. S met my boyfriend and we shared some beers and some laughs at the bar. In my mind, heart, and life I had moved on and the trip down memory lane was on my terms. Sometimes I think about him, now that I’m content with my life as wife and Mom. I wonder if he ever got married and had that big family he always wanted. And if in his quiet moments if he ever thinks about me, his first love….

Today’s Sunday confession brought to you by the awesome Ash from Head over there and read about her first love, and all the other lovely bloggers who link up. Smooches and hugs. ?

Jeanine Lebsack

Writer, research assistant, podcaster, reiki healer, and a passionate advocate for neurodiversity. On my writing journey I’ve discovered a plethora of passions including writing, researching, entertaining through song and dance, with a desire to explore and create something transformational and healing. I believe in the sacred art of storytelling and that there’s power in the written and spoken word. Join me on my journey using the magic of words, music, and heart song. I believe we create ripples of energy that flow throughout the universe and by sharing our stories it creates change, positivity, and healing. Have a listen to my podcast on Spotify and Anchor at House of a Writer.

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