Resilience
I tend to think of myself as a resilient person. I didn’t always think that way though. I thought in the past I was more a victim of my circumstances then a survivor. I’ve loved, learned, and lost and yet I keep, keeping on. Recently I’ve had to take on the role of being a solo parent. A term I’ve borrowed from the amazing Mommy blogger Jen Pinarski. I’ve had to endure many months away from my hubby as he moved away to start this new life in a new city. In the meantime I’ve become the be all and end all to my kids. Dealing with their fears, lonliness, and anxiety while missing their Daddy. And putting my stress, sleep deprived nights, and my own feelings on hold. This is what Moms do, we are rock stars in our concerts of life. I’ve dealt with my sons life altering diagnosis’s and I’ve held my precious little boy in my arms and prayed for God to help him. I’ve had my heart beating on the outside of my chest getting broken, bruised, and bleeding while I’ve gone to Doctors and specialists that tell me they can’t help him. I’ve handled (although without patience) my oldest sons emotional tantrums with missing his Dad, being bullied at school, and anger at me because I’m the only one here. I have family they’re supportive and loving but they don’t know how my heart breaks when I see my precious children in pain. I have friends that help but they have their own lives that I don’t want to burden. I’ve had the death of my parents in my world shatter my heart as I still continue to find ways to work through my grief. I’ve sat with nothing but a bottle of wine to keep me company and cried buckets of tears for all of this and more. Do I feel sorry for myself? Do I think I can live and fight to face another day? No, I’m not sorry, I’m living the life I’m supposed to. And yes I did deep, and drag myself around living the life of a “Mombie.” Why do I do it, why don’t I just pull the plug and move away? Because I’m resilient, I’m there for my boys when no one else is, no matter if they rage at me because I’m a safe place for their anxiety. I still find ways to bring them fun, adventure, and most of all love. And becoming more dependent on myself than anyone else has taught me more love, self respect, and appreciation for the person I am. I’ve pushed past my own anxiety and discovered a strength I didn’t know existed!!! Some people would’ve pulled the pin of this life after all I’ve been through. Not me, I’m feeling the fear and doing it anyways. Here’s to all of us fear fighters, resilient rebels, and brave beauties because without us the world would be deprived of some bad ass super rock stars. ?
This Sunday confession brought to you by a rock star super woman herself
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