House of A Writer

Welcome to my blog where I share my special needs parenting journey with my heart, truth, and love, one story at a time. ❤️


on 11 May 2014

Here’s a confession I have on a Sunday morning I’d like to share with you all as today is officially Mother’s Day. Well here it goes, I don’t like Mother’s Day. So considering this is the mecca of Motherhood I tend to stick out like a sore thumb on this topic. I used to like it, when I had a Mom alive but now it’s just a crushing reminder of what I’ve lost. Now don’t get me wrong I love that my kids think it’s a special day so I make the effort for them. Really there’s nothing better than opening up a homemade gift that my big boy made for me with pride. And I did enjoy making my Mom’s day gift that my little boy will present to me tomorrow. He knows I love to craft while he plays with the cars at play group, so it’s a win/win for both of us. It’s just hard for me when almost everyone I know has a Mom to celebrate. That they can buy a gift for, share a meal with, and give the biggest hug. I don’t have any of that anymore and to be honest it really, really sucks. It’s been 3 years and 3 months since my Mom left the earth. I was 8 months pregnant with my second son when it happened. I had a 4 year old son that needed me his Mom, and I was grief stricken. I stumbled through and somehow made it through my first Mother’s Day without my Mom. By then I had my beautiful baby all be it prematurely, and everything felt so surreal as I was still used to being pregnant! I remember saying out loud how it felt like it was someone else’s life and why couldn’t my Mom be there to meet my precious newborn baby and see all the new things my incredible, curious, loving, son was doing and saying. I just felt gypped, I was the youngest of 6 kids and I got the shortest amount of time with her. My Mom was a truly remarkable women she taught me how to love, laugh, and be myself with no apologies. She taught me how to sing, dance, and be proud of my Irish roots. She told me stories using different voices for the characters and thus began my love reading and of the dramatic arts. She grew up painfully shy as a only child and was unfortunately teased. So she always encouraged me to be strong, independent, and find my voice at a young age. She attended every school Christmas concert I was in and cheered proudly if I sang a solo or played the part of a Christmas tree. She had a deep love of God, her children, Grandchildren, and Great Grandchildren. She loved to dress up fancy, entertain friends, make little tuna sandwiches and drink copious amount of Red Rose tea. And how she loved to sing, anything she was doing she’d break into song. It felt like during my childhood I was growing up in a musical and I loved every minute of it. She loved her parents with all her being and still called them Mama and Daddy as an adult. They doted on her and her children as she was still their little girl even though she was a Mother herself. She was a fabulous Mom who loved with a fierceness and protectiveness. Like a Mama bear as well as a tender and gentleness. She taught me to love Motherhood by making mine so memorable. All I ever wanted to do was grow up and be a Mom like her. My Mom had an incredible sense of humor and could mimic and impersonate anyone. She was better than TV, always funny and entertaining you never wanted to flip the channel. So after telling you all about what a dynamo my Mom was you can see why Mother’s Day sucks for me. I do suck it up and enjoy it for my kids after I’ve had a good, heart cleansing cry. It’s all part of Motherhood, rolling with the punches and being a rock star for my sons. Who I love and adore more than life itself. Every year I send a balloon up to heaven to my dear Mama to show them how much I loved her and always will, and so they can honor her memory. I miss my Mom like the flowers miss the sun, I miss not only the person she was, I miss the person I was when I was with her. I always remember how I’d sit in her lap as a little girl and talk about the world. She would stroke my hair and make me feel like I was the most important person in the world. That was a practice that continued till the day she died. I not only miss the Mom she was to me, I miss how I felt when I was with her. Safe, loved, and protected from the cruelty in the world. Every song I ever sing is for my Mama, every song I ever write is for her, every blog I write is inspired by her. So this Mother’s Day and throughout my Motherhood, I honor this fascinating, amazing, unforgettable woman who gave me life. This special lady I’m proud to call Mom. My love always and forever Mama. ❤️

P.S. I’m participating in my first blogger link up. It’s really exciting for this baby blogger here, so be a doll and check out Sunday confessions. Smooches and thank you’s to you all. ?
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16 Responses to “Motherhood”

  1. Hot Ash says:

    Thanks for joining us today. Losing a parent never gets easier, I’m sorry. Great post, I’m sure your mom would be proud of you! I hope you’ll come back next week!

    • jsack1 says:

      Thank you for the inspiration Hot Ash. Yes I’m feeling my Mom’s pride right now. She always wanted me to take on the world. Thank you I’ll be back next Sunday. ??

    • jsack1 says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I feel my Mom’s pride, you always wanted me to continue my passion for writing. Thank you so much for the opportunity. ?

  2. Amanda says:

    Awww hugs well wrote my friend I’m sure your mom is very proud looking down on you. I’m sure loosing a parent isn’t easy.

    • jsack1 says:

      Thank you dearest Amanda, no it’s by far the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. Losing my Dad in 2009 and then my Mom 2 years later. I feel their love and pride and it makes me a better Mom and person because of it. Happy Mother’s Day to you hon, you rock. ??

  3. Sparkly Poetic Weirdo says:

    Mothers have a beautiful power of making us feel safe and content no matter what age we are.

    Lovely post.

    Losing people we love is never easy, but it is comforting that they live on through us-in our stories, memories we hold, and the traditions they have shared and taught us.

    • jsack1 says:

      Thank you so much Sparkly! I agree even thought the time I had with my Mom was short it was quality time. Many blessings to you and thank you for your kind words they fill a void in my heart. ?

    • jsack1 says:

      Thank you very much for your kindness. I agree and appreciate your lovely comment. ?

  4. I know its sad , the idea of death… but let me tell you a secret that I am sure on some level you already know… I REALLy deeply believe that we have got this death thing all upside down. I don’t think there is really death. I think your mum is well alive and I HAVE THE masses of goosebumps to prove it 😉 she is making me write this she WANTS you to know that she is very very much alive and very happy and completely engrossed in her new amazing perspective , heavenly if you will, and that she is ALWAYS with you and your wonderful family. this is a knowing from me to you from your beautiful mother to you from All That IS to YOU

    • jsack1 says:

      Oh wow reading that has given me masses of goosebumps!!! Thank you so much for your loving, incredible words. Much love and blessings to you. ???

      • she made me do it 🙂

        • jsack1 says:

          She always a very resourceful woman.? Thank you so much for sharing that piece of her with me. It fills a void in my heart to know she’s thinking of me as much as I’m thinking about her. ?

          • oh definitely. when my Grandmother slipped out of her skin she often visited in some form or another with my mum. Mum said she felt her most when she was doing something she enjoyed and was in the moment, like now that my gran was living in so much light and joy she was more accessible when my mother brought presence and joy into her day 🙂

          • jsack1 says:

            I love your use of the word slipped out of her skin. It’s such a beautiful connotation for death. I agree when I’m at heightened level of joy I can feel my Mom right there enjoying the moment with me. And when I’m so sad that I can barely lift my head off my pillow I feel that she’s so far off waiting in the wings for my happiness to return again. It’s the double edged sword in my life, thank you for sharing your beautiful and insightful view point. ?

          • oh yes thats it. They are always there but they can’t come out of Joy to get us we must come to joy to meet them there 🙂 x

          • jsack1 says:

            Beautiful description, I will keep a conscious thought of this when my days are grieving are dark and I need to bring the light and joy in. Blessings to you darling, thank you for sharing. ?

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