We all deserve to shine

When was the last time you let your soul shine? I’m sitting here on a cloudy rainy day introspectively thinking of my childhood, of how my past has brought me here today. The question running through my mind is when did I give myself permission to let my soul shine? Painful memories play in my mind like a projector, from when I was four years old and how my Dad left and said he was never coming back. I felt all the light God gave me start to fade away as he ran out the door. I watched how he took on a new family, a new life and I wondered how I fit in… Anyone who’s the product of a broken home knows the child always blames themselves. I became angry, rebellious, and a troublemaker and I did everything to get my Dad’s attention and it always resulted in a negative manner. I definitely wasn’t letting my soul shine in those moments. So what helped me you may ask, hugs from my Mom, love, tea and cookies from my Grandparents, family, and always God in my life. I felt if I could go to a church and sing all my pain away I would be saved. At least in that moment, there are happy times too as I don’t want to be the proverbial downer on my blog. I remember a wonderful memory of being five years old at my Grandparents 50 th anniversary party. My Mom took my sister and I to get our hair done and shopping for a new outfit for the special day. I remember how happy I was to see all my family and how beautiful my Mom and Grandma looked in their new dresses, shoes, and hairdos. After we all had an amazing dinner at one of our favorite restaurants everyone went around the table to say an anniversary wish I suddenly felt sad since I had nothing to give. So it came to my turn and I was sitting in a puddle of sweat and anticipation I started to say happy anniversary I love you Gram and Grandpa and it came out in a song. I’ve always craved the spotlight so as the response became positive I stood up on my chair and sang You light up my life by Debbie Boone. Oh how wonderful I felt to see my family smiling at me and how my Gram picked me up and cuddled me on her knee afterwards. My Grandpa sat back and grinned and said that’s my little girl with the big voice. The rest of the night we gathered at our relatives for cake, and copious amounts of tea since we’re an Irish clan. I sat on my Mom’s knee and sang all the classic Irish songs as well some Elvis tunes while my brother played his guitar. A happy memory that fills my heart  that let that little girl start to let her soul shine again. And through a few bumps in the road I still let her come out and play. So in closing we all deserve to shine, whatever it is that makes you happy, feel fulfilled, and comfortable in your own skin, do it and let your soul shine!!!